So, last week was harder. I was not at my own place most of the time (I have a boyfriend) and when I'm at his  place it's hard to find a way to meditate. I tried to do it lying in bed in the morning but I just fell asleep again, so it wasn't very useful. I felt less productive than last week as well.

I also had quite severe backlash. When I don't daydream for a while, and suddenly I can, it just goes totally overboard. I was once again walking into traffic, not really noticing…

It's been some time since I've updated everyone with my status, and I apologize for that. Since I last posted, I've put the emotions from my daydreams towards books, having published my first this past summer, and am about to publish my second in a week on my seventeenth birthday. I do not use my plots to create my books, in fear that someone who knows about my mental health would make the connection. I do not wish to have them know what thoughts travel through my mind. I know that may be…

Almost two weeks ago I had an appointment with Ψ and they decided it is high time we do things instead of just talking. The first task was to write down all the advantages and disadvantages of my clandestine life.  With one simple gesture I unveiled the dark side of the world so dear to me -  I deconstructed my little paradise, piece by piece. To my surprise, finding a counterbalance turned out to be a daunting task.

I realized that my world, that…

I hesitated to put treatment between brackets since it is basically just meditation and yoga and some other exercise. But, for me it's a form of treatment, so I'd rather keep calling it that way. 

Squeezing some time in for meditation has been hard. I try to do 10 minutes in the morning and 10 in the evening, that seems to work best. It's very hard not to drift off, and I tend to drift off (1) thinking about things I have to do that day, (2) daydreaming. When I'm doing (1), I…

(The map above is to the Free State of Kennedy, or the FSK, it is by far the smallest capitol in the world.)…

Hey guys, 

I feel that I often forget to mention facts about myself, which might be important for why I DD...

I live in a suburb of Chicago, Illinois.

I will be graduating in a couple of months to begin to study as a teacher.

I have traveled to over 50 countries and I love this world that we live in, making me a massive environmentalist. (I set my daydreams in places I've been to)

I've lived in Singapore for a little bit as a…

Hell everyone. I am a 17 year old guy that is basically the the brinks right now. I think I am running out of options . I am not doing well at all. Falling at everything, at school. I have no friends at all. Well I thought I did but not really anyone close at all. I went to a school dance and basically did nothing there at all. Just sat down and my well friend I coukdn't go up and speak to her and she didn't try to come after me. She ignores me when I speak to her anyway at times. I just…

I'll try to resume what has been said in the long phonecall I had concerning treatment for MDD. A lot of things were said but maybe not in that order, anyhow, here's a resume.

The root of the cause, at least in my personal case (and I think it's right) would be a heightened sensitivity, probably processing physical sensations and the outer world differently. Also, in my case I am someone with a high baseline, existential anxiety, I don't feel at ease with the world. When…

Yesterday I wasted another day completely in DDs and on facebook. So, I typed it all out in an email and I sent it to a friend who is a mental health care worker, because I just couldn't do it anymore. I don't know how I am going to get myself where I want to be if I'm constantly being hijacked by my own head. I was panicking at the fact I had done nothing at all that day, and that cranked my DDing up even more. So I told them.

Their reaction was really awesome. They told me…

     If your walls could talk what would they say? The walls of my childhood bedrooms would tell a story of a seemingly normal boy, regular life, loving family, but he partook in an odd ritual. He had no other mental problems, was happy, had friends but still - did this one weird thing. This is my story on Maladaptive Daydreaming (MD) and how I have been engaging in it for twenty years, to different degrees. I will post this in various forums dealing with the subject and I hope it brings new…

One of my daydreams involved me dancing at a party with friends. So I would have earphones in and loud music playing and I would switch off the lights in my bedroom and essentially enter into another world. Usually a party or music festival. A lot of the people in this daydream would be people from school or wherever. I would dance away in my room for hours. I would often be the centre of attention for something or the other. 

Anyway, during these years I was never…

I was trying to think about when I started daydreaming, and like everyone, I did it a lot as a kid. Up until I was around 12-13, I used to sit in class and daydream because I was bored out of my mind, or on the playground because I didn't have many friends. I usually Mary-Sued myself in an existing world, I can divide my life into which world I was preoccupied with and living part-time in. 

However, there were several times in my life when I didn't daydream. Between 14 and 18 years, I…

Paradise

This post here was initially just a comment which I wanted to leave under my last post, but then it all just exploded and I decided to make it a separate post.

First of all, I wanted to thank you all for the replies in my previous posts. I want you to know that I really appreciate that you're reading these short texts and that you share your own experience - it's somehow empowering. Surprisingly.

It feels nice to know that I'm not alone with this, that there are other people…

i wrote this, but few seem to be interested. hoping it will be different here. true story, any dd's are actual dd's i had in an hour te day this happened.

I hope Mom doesn't show up

We were backstage, standing in suspense, while we waited for our competitor’s dance to end. They had been going for almost five minutes, and their performance was soon going to end. Lindsey and I had our violins ready to go, Aspen had his guitar ready, Percy fiddled with his…

I decided to write this post instead of plunging into my daydreams.

I'm writing this post, because I feel frustrated.

I'm about to fall apart. Not the first time and definitely not the last.

I've wasted a week on daydreaming. Instead of doing research for my dissertation, looking for a job, preparing for jobi nterviews, writing a personal statement for my postgraduate application, studying for my courses to make most of this last semester of my undergrad studies,…

I often doubt how to start blogs, so I decided not to write an introduction to this one and just jump ahead into it. 

I'm struggling a lot lately and I'm feeling hammered by guilt as I'm - again - not able to focus on anything else but my head. I know I have this capacity to let myself be totally submerged into a task, get into it, grind and "wake up" a few hours later, being proud of what I achieved. But it does not seem to work for my job.

I don't often dream…

Yesterday I was talking to my friend about MD for the first time, and he said that he had the EXACT same condition! He showed me all his journals and maps, and he actually constructed his own language awhile back and he can speak it fluently! I was amazed that I knew someone not online that went through the same I did!

Another case was a couple years back on a backpacking trip, my friend told me his entire DD plotline, (which was incredibly intense and awesome, basically Star…