Where wild minds come to rest
So, last week was harder. I was not at my own place most of the time (I have a boyfriend) and when I'm at his place it's hard to find a way to meditate. I tried to do it lying in bed in the morning but I just fell asleep again, so it wasn't very useful. I felt less productive than last week as well.
I also had quite severe backlash. When I don't daydream for a while, and suddenly I can, it just goes totally overboard. I was once again walking into traffic, not really noticing things. However, I have recuperated some concentration ability after all, I have a tracker on my work computer and I could see that my "standard attention span" has moved up to around 15-20 minutes at a time.
I wasn't really productive during the weekend. I kept trying to make "space" in my head to work (big report that was actually due this weekend, still haven't finished it) but I procrastinated. Strangely enough not that much through daydreaming, more with reading or researching things for my daydreaming world. It also doesn't help that I found a new piece of music that is the perfect background for my imagination. I'm listening to that album on repeat.
I must also say that I am a bit more in touch with how I actually feel inside. It's not good. Half of the time I am terrified, half of the time, I feel numb. I've been drinking alcohol when I come home. I find being under the influence kind of sedates those feelings and I'm less rabid about daydreaming.
I already knew when I started that daydreaming is a coping mecanism for me but I never realised how distraught my life makes me feel on a daily basis. It's not even that bad, it's just a dayjob with a long commute. I'm starting to fear that I am just not cut out of the right material to survive unscathed in this world.