Where wild minds come to rest
I hesitated to put treatment between brackets since it is basically just meditation and yoga and some other exercise. But, for me it's a form of treatment, so I'd rather keep calling it that way.
Squeezing some time in for meditation has been hard. I try to do 10 minutes in the morning and 10 in the evening, that seems to work best. It's very hard not to drift off, and I tend to drift off (1) thinking about things I have to do that day, (2) daydreaming. When I'm doing (1), I can really feel anxiety like a wave over me and I immediately start "fixing" things in my head, for example I start to compose that dreaded email in my mind and before I know I'm imagining the scene. I really try to stay with the anxiety and try not to fix it, but it is very hard.
I don't know if it's because of the meditation, but this week at work was sort of okay. I only had one bad day, and I also had a really good day this week. I also felt the urge to start drawing again, which I did on my commute. That made me feel really good. I was looking at the world, being really in the world, being present, even if it was just to find things to draw. But it had been a long, long time since I felt like I was able to actually exist there.
One day I did not meditate, that was Saturday. I had gone to bed at 4 am friday night and woke up late, I felt groggy and weak and since I was over at a friends' house I didn't really find some time alone. That day the DD hit full force. I managed some writing out of the daydreams but nothing else. I'm glad I wasn't driving back home, because I was dangerously inside my head. So today (Sunday) I did some yoga and meditated and the "daydreaming wave" I had been riding has gone down somewhat.
Deffinitely continuing. I will keep you updated.