Treatment, week 1

[Ivy White]

I hesitated to put treatment between brackets since it is basically just meditation and yoga and some other exercise. But, for me it's a form of treatment, so I'd rather keep calling it that way. 

Squeezing some time in for meditation has been hard. I try to do 10 minutes in the morning and 10 in the evening, that seems to work best. It's very hard not to drift off, and I tend to drift off (1) thinking about things I have to do that day, (2) daydreaming. When I'm doing (1), I can really feel anxiety like a wave over me and I immediately start "fixing" things in my head, for example I start to compose that dreaded email in my mind and before I know I'm imagining the scene. I really try to stay with the anxiety and try not to fix it, but it is very hard. 

I don't know if it's because of the meditation, but this week at work was sort of okay. I only had one bad day, and I also had a really good day this week. I also felt the urge to start drawing again, which I did on my commute. That made me feel really good. I was looking at the world, being really in the world, being present, even if it was just to find things to draw. But it had been a long, long time since I felt like I was able to actually exist there.

One day I did not meditate, that was Saturday. I had gone to bed at 4 am friday night and woke up late, I felt groggy and weak and since I was over at a friends' house I didn't really find some time alone. That day the DD hit full force. I managed some writing out of the daydreams but nothing else. I'm glad I wasn't driving back home, because I was dangerously inside my head. So today (Sunday) I did some yoga and meditated and the "daydreaming wave" I had been riding has gone down somewhat. 

Deffinitely continuing. I will keep you updated. 

[Reverie]

Hi Ivy White, I actually found out that there's a meditation group in the city centre and they have a three-hour introduction to meditation class on my birthday, so I decided to go there - a small gift from myself to myself. 

I tried lying as well and I had the same problem you mentioned, however in my case sitting isn't better - apparently I'm a tactile/kinaesthetic person and I get very nervous when being still in one position. Probably I need to try some walking meditation instead...

[Ivy White]

Hi Reverie, the kind of meditation I practice is basically sit down and try to have some calm in my head. My mind is usually going at full speed too, and I find meditating frustrating because it seems like I am a hyperactive monkey screeching and throwing a continuous strain of disjointed thoughts at my head in the hope some will catch fertile ground and distract me again. I try to just "be", simply exist. Usually I focus on my breath or I try to inhabit my body, feel where there are tensions etc. So it's something between a body scan and just breath-meditation. There is a zen dojo not far from where I live. My goal is to get there at least once for their 6 am meditation before this month ends.

A good tip, I find, is to do it seated (when I lie down I will go DD or fall asleep). I try not to judge myself too harshly for not managing. The important thing is to try and keep trying, not to succeed.

I totally recognize the "backlash" bursts. The problem is that I often engage with people for social reasons. If I could cut down the people I actually want to see I might engage with 10-20 people regularly but that would be ALL. Interactions are draining.

[Reverie]

I noticed something similar happens to me - when I spend a lot of time with my friends, or family then my compulsion to DD is much stronger and I can spend an entire day daydreaming as if I wanted to 'catch up' with what I've lost when engaging with real people. 

I'm impressed that you actually manage to meditate, because every time I attempted to do that, my mind would just go crazy. I haven't noticed that my brain is just rushing at full speed all the time until I tried to slow it down a bit. What kind of meditation do you practice? Do you have any useful tips?

Take care and good luck!

[Alexis Faith]

I'm so glad you got help, I'm trying to build the courage to talk to my doctor, but I will like to try to fix this on my own... Please keep us updated