Where wild minds come to rest
Recently, I completed a survey about my MDD behaviour. It asked how long I spend daydreaming each day. As I considered the answer I realised it was more of a question of how long I don't spend daydreaming. The truth is that my whole day seems just one long fantasy interrupted briefly when my attention is required elsewhere to perform basic survival duties.
But it wasn't always like that. In the early years fantasising was something I only did consciously and deliberately. I would set aside a particular time to do it, usually after arriving home from school and always to music (to which I would sway my body back and forth). I had a measure of control over it then. Now it is something I do continually and compulsively throughout my waking hours. Last August, in an attempt to combat this affliction, I gave up all daydreaming to music. Although this has helped a lot the fact is that I still fantasise all the time anyway. I don't need music to invoke my idealised self anymore; I can do anywhere, even sometimes during a conversation. The slightest mundane occurence can trigger a spontaneous fantasy.
What differenciates me from most members here is my age. I am 51 and I guess that makes me one of the oldest on the site. The purpose of this post then is to urge the younger members to try and get a handle on this before it takes a stranglehold on your life as it has done with me. I read other posts and I get the impression that some members think that MDD is a cutesy thing to have or that we are particularly creative because we have constructed this parallel world. There is nothing commendable about retreating from reality. The real world has to be lived in whether we like it or not. The more time we spend outside of it the harder it is to return to it. If we are truely creative surely we can express that in the real world where there is an audience to respond.
I believe that MDD is an addiction and recovering from it will take a lot of time, courage and self discipline. But we either want to live in the present and discover who we are or stick our heads back in the sands of fantasy.