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Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
Are we crazy?
Are we crazy?
There were times when my family have called me crazy or insane when they are very angry at me. Of course the words are harsher in our language. During those times I heard those words, I've thought that perhaps they have caught me daydreaming/smiling or making expressions in my face. I've never asked them why those words. They can call me stupid, or other terms but called me crazy and insane. I cant remember when did I started daydreaming. All I could remember is that I'm doing it since I was a child.
I have a family, and we're not a broken family. But I know that we are separated in each one because we're not close to one another. I felt unloved, uncared, deprived, unaccepted, neglected, unsatisfied, alone during my growing up years and until now. I want to console myself and maybe that's when daydreaming became my escape, my cure in the pain in my heart.
In reality, I excel in school, I have "friends" but I also started mistrusting people because of the kind of home I have. In the stories in my mind, I am lovable and I have a loving family, I have a lot of friends who wouldn't betray me, I have a happy life despite being it unperfect. But its all in my mind! I indulge more to it especially when all we do at home is fight, shout and hurt one another. Not only that, I also become a porn addict, deceiving myself that such interaction will fulfill the intimacy I longed for in my entire life... Haha, it doesn't stop there. My love of reading instead of helping me to stop daydreaming eventually fueled it. I become so miserable and unproductive. I thought I was the only one. The time that I can't take it anymore was when I'm in the school library. I was supposed to stay focused to studying but I keep on daydreaming. I then decided to search the web because I could never tell anyone. I was crying (hoping no one would notice) while searching the internet. I was praying that I would be able to find any site/ answer about what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. And here, I've found your site. Alas, I've told the Lord: "My God, I am not alone." I am not alone in this secret that I believed will only be between me and the Lord. It somehow alleviate the shame I have but I felt lonelier that there are other people who share the same journey as I am. I've never told anyone. Maybe I will never be able until in this site, I can see a lot of people helping and somehow "freed".
Because we have an understanding in whats going on in us, we can never call ourselves insane, crazy. Yes we are not insane. We are not crazy. No one can tell us that. No one can blame us for being this way. And one day, someday, we will be cured. We will be healed of this bond that chained us and shamed us within ourselves. Fellow "MDmates", lets not lose hope. Let us help heal one another. Godbless:)
-dee ei
There were times when my family have called me crazy or insane when they are very angry at me. Of course the words are harsher in our language. During those times I heard those words, I've thought that perhaps they have caught me daydreaming/smiling or making expressions in my face. I've never asked them why those words. They can call me stupid, or other terms but called me crazy and insane. I cant remember when did I started daydreaming. All I could remember is that I'm doing it since I was a child.
I have a family, and we're not a broken family. But I know that we are separated in each one because we're not close to one another. I felt unloved, uncared, deprived, unaccepted, neglected, unsatisfied, alone during my growing up years and until now. I want to console myself and maybe that's when daydreaming became my escape, my cure in the pain in my heart.
In reality, I excel in school, I have "friends" but I also started mistrusting people because of the kind of home I have. In the stories in my mind, I am lovable and I have a loving family, I have a lot of friends who wouldn't betray me, I have a happy life despite being it unperfect. But its all in my mind! I indulge more to it especially when all we do at home is fight, shout and hurt one another. Not only that, I also become a porn addict, deceiving myself that such interaction will fulfill the intimacy I longed for in my entire life... Haha, it doesn't stop there. My love of reading instead of helping me to stop daydreaming eventually fueled it. I become so miserable and unproductive. I thought I was the only one. The time that I can't take it anymore was when I'm in the school library. I was supposed to stay focused to studying but I keep on daydreaming. I then decided to search the web because I could never tell anyone. I was crying (hoping no one would notice) while searching the internet. I was praying that I would be able to find any site/ answer about what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. And here, I've found your site. Alas, I've told the Lord: "My God, I am not alone." I am not alone in this secret that I believed will only be between me and the Lord. It somehow alleviate the shame I have but I felt lonelier that there are other people who share the same journey as I am. I've never told anyone. Maybe I will never be able until in this site, I can see a lot of people helping and somehow "freed".
Because we have an understanding in whats going on in us, we can never call ourselves insane, crazy. Yes we are not insane. We are not crazy. No one can tell us that. No one can blame us for being this way. And one day, someday, we will be cured. We will be healed of this bond that chained us and shamed us within ourselves. Fellow "MDmates", lets not lose hope. Let us help heal one another. Godbless:)
-dee ei
Views: 173
Comment
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Comment by Floris on July 7, 2015 at 4:37am
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If you ask me 70% of the world population is bat shit insane. Just turn MTV on or go out and watch how people behave in night life. No wonder so many people have problems and resort to coping mechanisms.
And remember Seal singing "We'll never survive unless we're a little bit crazy".
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Comment by Dee-ei on March 1, 2015 at 2:04am
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thank you all guys:)
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Comment by Roel on February 25, 2015 at 9:51am
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Even if you/we were crazy, being crazy isn't necesairly a bad thing. You can be crazy in a good way. Besides, who is to say that everyone is suppost to be normal instead of crazy, or everyone is suppost to be crazy in stead of normal?
After all what would normal people be without the non-normal people? It is beeing different, crazy and insane that makes us normal ;)
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Comment by Luis S on February 24, 2015 at 9:27am
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When people call you crazy or other bad word try not to take it personally because people who do not have what we have will never be able to understand what we go through. Like you im a porn addict because i desire an intimate relationship. Recently i been doing a lot of self talk and i discover many things that i have done wrong but at the same time i discover many things that i can improve on. My recommendation would be to try to daydream about things that are positive and things that you can achieve that way it would feel like a plan rather than a drem.
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