I apologize in advance for my poor spelling and grammar -  I wrote this pretty hurriedly.

My last post was about how I wanted to get help, well I did. My mom took me to my GP, and apparently just from looking at me she could tell how despondent I was - so she referred me to a psychologist and I've had two sessions so far - one last monday and one this monday. 

As some of you may know, I originally wanted to get either some sort of general neuro evaluation or…

 A few years ago I "broke-down" crying to my mom, telling her how  I hated myself, how terrible things were for me and how at that point in time I didn't want to live anymore. She completely blew me off. It took a lot of time for me to build up the confidence to do so, so you can imagine the damage it did when my efforts were not at all reciprocated by an appropriate response. She would tell me things are going to be okay, that I should calm down, and then she would get frustrated and yell…

Its been a while since I've been on here, so hello again!

Things have gone way downhill for me, my life is a mess. I am behind on everything and worst thing is I'm not panicked when I should be. I can't bring myself to do school work or attend to any of my obligations (even the ones I love). For the past two months I've literally been wasting away -  and just getting by. I'm really struggling, MD anxiety everything, I barely got my college applications in on time, I couldn't bring…

Another whiny, non coherent rant from me I have pretty much said the same thing in all of them, but I find writing it out cathartic. 

It make me sick how happy my daydreams make me, I feel sick to the stomach after I find myself laughing out loud at things I'm thinking about,  or imitating my character's gestures. I want to feel like that in reality, I want to live the life that I imagine, but I can't. It makes me miserable thinking about the fact that I am not that person. I'm sick…