I apologize in advance for my poor spelling and grammar -  I wrote this pretty hurriedly.

My last post was about how I wanted to get help, well I did. My mom took me to my GP, and apparently just from looking at me she could tell how despondent I was - so she referred me to a psychologist and I've had two sessions so far - one last monday and one this monday. 

As some of you may know, I originally wanted to get either some sort of general neuro evaluation or…

 A few years ago I "broke-down" crying to my mom, telling her how  I hated myself, how terrible things were for me and how at that point in time I didn't want to live anymore. She completely blew me off. It took a lot of time for me to build up the confidence to do so, so you can imagine the damage it did when my efforts were not at all reciprocated by an appropriate response. She would tell me things are going to be okay, that I should calm down, and then she would get frustrated and yell…

Its been a while since I've been on here, so hello again!

Things have gone way downhill for me, my life is a mess. I am behind on everything and worst thing is I'm not panicked when I should be. I can't bring myself to do school work or attend to any of my obligations (even the ones I love). For the past two months I've literally been wasting away -  and just getting by. I'm really struggling, MD anxiety everything, I barely got my college applications in on time, I couldn't bring…

Another whiny, non coherent rant from me I have pretty much said the same thing in all of them, but I find writing it out cathartic. 

It make me sick how happy my daydreams make me, I feel sick to the stomach after I find myself laughing out loud at things I'm thinking about,  or imitating my character's gestures. I want to feel like that in reality, I want to live the life that I imagine, but I can't. It makes me miserable thinking about the fact that I am not that person. I'm sick…

It all began when my teacher called on me in front of the whole class. He said; "Zoe" and then I jumped, and he said "Are you okay, you had a sort of spaced out look". And then everyone started laughing. I did too. I think some people already used to notice that  I spaced out a lot and I just wasn't aware of it. I think its some sort of joke amongst the guys in the class about me spacing out because I really was not expecting the laughter. It was as if they knew something. But I'm probably…

I can't handle my daydreaming anymore, I'm fighting to focus and its so difficult. I have become an expert at staring at something and looking like I'm paying attention, all teachers think I'm super attentive but I'm looking at them but I can't hear or really see them because I'm daydreaming, I've spaced out. I was watching a movie for school that was only about 8 minutes long and I had to repeat one bit several times because I kept on missing it because of daydreaming. It's so frustrating…

Frustration, it is the perfect word to describe what my life is like right now :(.

1. My mom doesn't give a shit about anything. Its getting ridiculous, I hate to say this but her priorities are messed up. I never thought I could say this about an adult or my mom. Subject choices have come up and all the other parents are sitting down with their kids talking about what they want to do, I told her and she doesn't give a crap. I filled out my choices form alone, my dads never here so I…

My thoughts and daydreams are driving me crazy. Honestly I'm surprised no one sees it but if they did I would have been put in a mental institute long ago. I replay real life events from years ago that I felt bad or disliked in my head over and over again. And its like a form of torture but I just can't stop. Every time it happens I cringe, I just wish there was a way to escape.. from myself. I hate my daydreams simply because I know its never going to be like that. I feel like I used to…

Sorry, I know I use this website a lot for un MD related things but I like the fact that I can talk to a range of people and get a wide variety opinions on things, so I might as well use it to my advantages :).

So in 10th grade at my school we have to do something called the personal project, and basically you have to work on a project of your choice for a little over half a year, and it has to produce some sort of outcome or physical result. Some typical projects are…

I can't handle anything lately. I just don't see the point in all of this, I spend everyday struggling to get the most out of everything  I do yet I am constantly disappointed. 

I can't figure out whats wrong. I just can't take it anymore, I'm so depressed, and nobody understands, I don't even understand. I don't even know why I'm writing this. I'm just tiered, of everything. 

I am starting to think that MD might be more common than we think it is, The first person and basically the only person I told about it, also DD's. And recently she told me about a Facebook "like" that said "Like if you make up stories in your head and you're the main character" or something along those lines. It was surprising. On the other hand though, you  can kind of tell when people don't have it. For example I am completely sure that nobody in my family has, especially when I told my…

I think I have other mental related problems then just MD. but I don't know to explain it, I constantly feel like my mind is on overdrive, I over think and over process everything. My mind feels crowded, like there's no more room in there. I don't know how to explain it. I just feel like my brain is doing too much, and honestly I don't think I can handle it anymore. It's just so frustrating, and in a way painful. 

I came across this term a few days ago, and I'm not exactly sure what it means, I think it may have a different meaning to everyone, but from what I gathered its somebody who is a bit more reserved, not that they don't like to associate with people, but who would rather be on there own, like in my case I would choose to stay at home and DD or read on a friday night then go out to some wild party. And I have also found myself doing that in various situations like on a monday morning whilst…

I've just thought about a few things lately, this isn't really anything, just kind of an update mainly for myself.

When I first found out about this site, I did the little research I could about MD, I read some of the common "symptoms" and I remember specifically thinking that I did not have a habit whilst DDing like pacing or tapping your hands etc. And I really didn't think I did, Until it hit me when I was in the living room pacing up and down, I didn't even realize I was…

I read this thing that said the brain is not capable of creating human faces in dreams so all the people in our (asleep) dreams you've seen before. I wonder if this applies to dd's too even though I'm pretty sure all my characters are made up I wonder if they were inspired by real people. 

I want to know what it's like not to be like this, what would you do you do to pass time when your bored?, how would you escape. idk what i would do without it, but lately i've kind of wanted it to stop. I feel so trapped in my imaginary world, I want to be a doctor when I'm older, so to do that i need to get better grades especially in math, so I planned to practice over the summer (thats what I am supposed to be doing right now) but I can't, I can't help it but DD. this morning i woke up…