A random little update

[Zoe]

I've just thought about a few things lately, this isn't really anything, just kind of an update mainly for myself.

When I first found out about this site, I did the little research I could about MD, I read some of the common "symptoms" and I remember specifically thinking that I did not have a habit whilst DDing like pacing or tapping your hands etc. And I really didn't think I did, Until it hit me when I was in the living room pacing up and down, I didn't even realize I was DDing at first it like it was automatic and for some reason that time when I snapped back into reality I realized. I'm not really good at explaining but it was just weird, how all these years that I have been DDing i never noticed that I pace up and down occasionally. And what I also found even stranger is that I only pace if I'm DDing around people, I mean sometimes I sit down and DD with people there, but I realized that I have never been alone and started pacing. Also my family doesn't even realize, they never say anything about it. I don't even think they find it weird or anything, I doubt they even notice it, or they're used to it.

Also I've known this for a while now but when I DD, I make very strong facial expressions, not very strong but like noticeable, and I won't even realize until someone might be like, oh why are you smiling? or my mom often says hey why are  you moping around, and I'll realize that I do look really sad, I may be frowning and such.

I just thought I'd include this about myself, but I have this tendency to torture myself over things. Like if something happens, that I don't like, maybe something embarrassing, something that I did and then I'll think about it and hate myself for it. even stuff that happened 3-4 years ago. When I think about it I cringe and make weird noises, it makes me angry I feel like punching things, I've tried punching my pillows but it doesn't really help. When it happens I feel like screaming, and sometimes I've let a few yelps escape, but it didn't turn out so well... so I've resulted in whacking myself, hurting myself kinda as a form of punishment. I'll slick my forehead or punch myself, or hit my head. It's strange but its satisfying in that moment.

Sorry for the long post it was a really random mixture of things, I just needed to let out. Sorry for the bad grammar, I have a habit of rushing my typing when I have a lot to say. 

[Amy]

Hi, I have a very strong habit of running at full pelt back and forward so I knew very quickly that I had more extreme daydreams than my friends. unlike you I cannot do this around people as I know what Im doing looks weird and the embarassment distracts me.

 

Its interesting that you, like me, have strong emotional responses when remembering embarassing moments (I dont get angry but make myself physically ill with shame, Its like reliving the moment). My theory for myself is that the cause of my daydreams is partly low self esteem, hence my main characters always being idealised versions of my older self, therefore I veiw all of my past actions with critisism first. That is why I never feel great

about remembering good past actions but the feeling is amplified when reviewing bad ones.

 

btw, never try hitting your head against a doorway in times like this, I did once and had to explain to my parents why I suddenly turned to self harming and then was fine a few minutes later :)

 

It would be interesting to see if anyone else has the same reaction to us, or tortures themselves in the same way.