The beast unleashed, or just a long way to go

[Reverie]

Almost two weeks ago I had an appointment with Ψ and they decided it is high time we do things instead of just talking. The first task was to write down all the advantages and disadvantages of my clandestine life.  With one simple gesture I unveiled the dark side of the world so dear to me -  I deconstructed my little paradise, piece by piece. To my surprise, finding a counterbalance turned out to be a daunting task.

I realized that my world, that endless and ever-expanding universe which paradoxically could have been hidden in the human skull, is just a small and fragile monument which casts an enormous shadow.

I realized that I am addicted in the same way a smoker is. We both know that our drugs of choice are not what they claim to be, nevertheless, we cannot stop using them, we cannot stop seeing them as something absolutely necessary for our survival. 

I had one more task - I was supposed to note how much time of the day I spent there and what made me plunge into my daydreams. My only observation is that I cannot really control it. The line between the two worlds is so thin that I slip back and forth too easily to pin it down. Furthermore, it happens so randomly that I fail to see any pattern, however there is a possibility that what forces me to daydream does not do that in a direct way.

This is beyond my control even more than I expected. 

It is high time I take it out of my skull and put it in my hands instead.

[Ivy White]

I also had to list the advantages of that second life in my head I'm living and well, I got stuck and couldn't find many. I feel addicted too. Half of the time when I daydream I don't feel like I have that moment of choice that I sometimes have when I procrastinate. I mean, like when you open your browser and when you're typing "facebook" you just go like "no, wait, do I want this?". Since I'm weak I usually click ahead but there is that moment of choice. I can't identify it with daydreaming as often. And once I'm inside a daydream it's the getting out that is difficult. 

Also, you write really beautifully. I'm always a bit envious of people with a good pen (in a good way ;)  )

[MatthewR]

It seems there is a lot of emotion bound up in this other place. In a way I think it's a good thing because it shows that you are not dead inside. You have a wellspring of energy and passion which is clearly coming from you but for whatever reason it's getting siphoned into this other place. I remember feeling almost feverish about my daydreams. When they are most intense I really do feel detached from everyone and everything. I lose track of time. I can't really identify any triggers sometimes, I have a tendency to slip in and out as well.