There was a part of me, that always knew, that if i didnt get this under control, i would be an adult child, stuck in my ways. I had always thought i would eventually grow out of it, that was partly denial, part wishful thinking. I couldnt have been more wrong, because as i got older, it got worse.

I have never felt more ashamed, or patheic. And coming from me, that is saying A LOT! I am finally starting to tell people about my MDD that will hopefully help in some way. I…

“Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”

I forgive myself. Or will try to. I deserve to be happy. I want to. I just don’t know how.

Okay, so I haven't thought this out very much, and it may be a little ramble-y, but I will try to avoid that.

So I just read a comment (by MatthewR) a short while ago, and I thought, how many of you appear cold and distant on the outside, but emotional on the inside? Or do you often feel more emotion in your fantasy world than when things happen in real life? Or are you often emotionally cold and withdrawn, and it shows? Or... well, what's your level of emotion-feeling…

I stalled a bit in writing. I have not abandoned it. I haven't lost hope for that. And I am not down. But a tad bit disappointed. Oddly enough my DD/Story needs a bit more ....thought. That's right. I have to put MORE thought into my DD. Something isn't it?

Plot holes abound.

Anyway, I have returned to the less manic DD's and instead I'm looping again. The same scene loops. Over and over until I fall asleep. Maybe subtle changes in dialogue or gestures. I'm so…

http://www.reddit.com/r/MaladaptiveDreaming/

Let me know if have any suggestions.  Thx.

I have been away for a while and I am sure some people are wondering where I went. In the middle of August Bryn and I got married in Wales. We went back to London for a week to pack then move back to Canada. I was accepted to do my Masters at The University of Victoria and Bryn was offered a job at The Pacific Undersea Gardens so we have rented a flat in Victoria, British Columbia. It took a few weeks to get moved in and about a month to get our internet.

I am at school Monday to…

I always took my ability to write for granted. I didn’t realize being two years away from studying any subject that allowed me to exercise that ability I would lose my (according to me) flair to express myself/have an edge irrespective of what I was doing/have at least according to my imagination “to my hukum ka ikka” (ace in hole) .That edge whether imaginary or real served me well. Maybe it was an ability to respond to given material that training in the school system provided, not a…

“Be a better person. You can’t keep your personality out of the work. It’s impossible…. If you’re rigid or you’re distorting reality, it goes into the guitar. And when you play it, it comes back out. It’s disturbing. I used to believe that but I never had any proof of it. But I’ve played enough handmade guitars and then later met the maker. Sure enough, it’s inseparable….”

So true ... I have tried to keep the two separate, pushing me a point of…

I have some news that will probably anger many people.  It's certainly angered a few of you.  

As many of you have probably noticed, Alex constantly talked about wanting to die and hurting herself.  This is very serious to me.  I couldn't just sit by and not respond.  Many of us, including me, tried the gentle approach of sitting with her for hours and just talking to her.  That didn't help.  I eventually tried the tough love approach.  That only angered her.  I didn't know…

I have a new story line going through my head....I am in love with my male character....I have made him a father of an old friend and have only actually met this person once 30 years ago.........Now, I am actually very little interaction with them via social media. We have not talked privately, just comments and stuff. Now I have become excited to see when he is online and happy when he comments on my posts. We have NEVER said or done anything inappropriate and not sure he would, he knows I…

It's Mental Health Week, and about time I talked about some issues that have plagued me

Emotional abuse:

I realized a few days ago that this is the first time in my life where I dont have an emotionally abusive person in my life. My roommate moved out, and all of sudden it hit me, that I have been dealing with it for so long, its only now that I became aware of it. This scares me a little, that maybe I have a propensity to put up or choose or am unable to recognize…

Since I just signed up here, I figured I could use something of an introduction blog post to just talk about who I am and how I ended up here. I'm just going to be typing things out as they come to mind but trying to stay in order, so this may get a little long. I'm also not going to hold back some personal information since I am attempting to explain myself, so keep that in mind before you start. If you do take the time to read it all, I hope you find it interesting or at least…

hi.

the other day i bought a necklace that is an owl with glasses.

i bought it because my main character (and my favorite character)'s nickname is owl, and he wears glasses.

i love this necklace so much and i'm never taking it off for as long as i live. (okay, maybe that's a lie)

it's so weird how it has a meaning behind it and i'm the only one who knows. it's almost like an inside joke with myself, only it's not really a joke. i don't know, i just think it's…

This is an interesting article that one of my facebook friends shared with me.  TBH, I didn't think any of my facebook friends read any of my posts about daydreaming, but apparently this one has.  Check it out.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/03/mind-wandering_n_4024852.html

I cannot believe it. This site inspired me to begin to type down my DD. I am back full swing with the DDing. After a break for a couple weeks. I did want it back. I'm lost and gloomy without it. I cannot bear to not DD. I'm nowhere in the place where I could let it go. I just cannot. I will save that for another entry.

But, I just finished chapter one. I feel good committing my DD and my characters to print somewhere. My Livejournal on "private" actually. I feel like I'm saving them…

I'm sorry this is so long - I'm treating it like a journal entry. I've never posted to a site before and don't think what I write will be of any help, but just reading posts of others who suffer this has helped me immensely. When I researched this, and learned this MDD was a thing, I hit the roof. I've suffered from this for almost 20 years. Just writing this post right now feels like a gulp of fresh air, so if you're reading - I'm sorry it's long winded and rambling.

I've never…