Frustration

[Stormy]

The last two days have been bad for DD. Right now I am annoyed. So annoyed because my kids are relentless for needing things. They are children! But I cannot stay in my DD. I am also sleep deprived because I stayed up the last two nights much much too late to be able to DD. As well mom problems like a 1 year old waking a lot due to teething.

Driving today I was realizing how I was not focusing like I should. I kept drifting off into the DD. That is dangerous. Believe me I know. I usually have control but I have these periods where I avoid driving if I can due to this.

My current DD (current for over a year that is) had a breakthrough. I have created another "book" ... The drama and adventure continues and I am anxious to break it in over and over till it fits like a comfortable old shoe ...just like the other "book". (Or more like a movie really).

It feels like desperation. Like clinging to a lover for comfort and excitement. I resent not being able to go lock myself into a room and think about it all day. I am solo parent today and for the rest of the week! I am going to go crazy!

I usually post when I am laid back and feeling pretty chill about MDD. I finally decided to post from a different mood altogether. I wish I could say I wish I wasn't this way. That I didn't want this or feel I need it but I don't. I just feel the desperation to have time to do this when I want to. It seems very selfish. Really I know this is considered a disorder. And I know I have had a problem but for me it really feels like a hobby I am obsessed with. Or an addiction that feels too good to want to stop.

I put my kids first most of the time concerning DD but days like this I have trouble not zoning out as they play. Or I let the TV be a babysitter so I can sit on the couch and ignore all I need to be doing just so I can sit and DD. And that does make me feel terrible! I am mostly a responsible person. But days like this I am totally slipping from reality!

[David W]

Again, right there with ya

[Stormy]

Me too. I'm glad I'm documenting what I learn about myself somewhere. It's really great because instead of putting it somewhere in private I have people I know are understanding this or agreeing or can relate or have some sort of feedback that is constructive. 

[Tinkerbell]

I think that if you get some sleep and such that you will be able to gain control of your MD.  I'm glad you have posted this from another angle as it's nice to show that MDing isn't always from one angle, or done one way.  If that makes sense.