Having one of those days..

If only you were real. If only I could turn around and talk to you in reality the way I do in my dreams. I feel as though this must exist, somewhere this person, this relationship, this world exists, but that it’s just out of reach. The feelings, the emotions, are so strong, so real. I have to believe in a world where this exists or what else is there.

The frustration is building: I can see you, hear you, smell you, feel you, but I can’t…

Today I went shopping for new clothes and found myself buying only things my MD character would wear. I normally wear very casual, comfortable clothes, but today I shopped for items that were more stylish and trendy like those I imagine on my character.

It felt great to try on the clothes and I really felt comfortable in them, a stronger more confident version of myself I guess. I bought them all. 

Now I'm at home and wondering, is that a positive move ..like I'm…

In an effort to get out of the house and start living life, or at least to try to live some kind of life out of my room where I do all my daydreaming, I started an exercise program. I joined a gym and I found a trail that I regularly walk/run. Funny enough, I opened up to my doctor about how unhappy/bored I am with life, etc (as much as I could without telling her about my daydreaming) and it was her advice that I start taking care of myself, and to do something for myself. That's how I…

I wish I could say my mood is on a high, but in fact it's the daydreams. They are back to a high: constant, pulling at me emotionally, and extremely vivid. So much so that at times, the daydreams seem more real than reality. 

Unable to spend as much time at it as I would like/need, I find myself horribly depressed and constantly on the verge of tears. I am stuck in a horrible cycle: unhappy and seeking the daydreams more than ever, but unable to get the time in so feeling unhappy. I…