On a High

[JenBren]

I wish I could say my mood is on a high, but in fact it's the daydreams. They are back to a high: constant, pulling at me emotionally, and extremely vivid. So much so that at times, the daydreams seem more real than reality. 

Unable to spend as much time at it as I would like/need, I find myself horribly depressed and constantly on the verge of tears. I am stuck in a horrible cycle: unhappy and seeking the daydreams more than ever, but unable to get the time in so feeling unhappy. I am dreaming while out for walks, driving, preparing meals, waiting in the car for the kids after school, reclined on the couch watching mindless television in the evenings with my kids, sitting at my desk, working on my bed while watching television…it never stops and yet it's not enough. I've just had 2 good weeks where I was able to keep the daydreaming to a minimum, just dreaming for a few hours at night after the kids went to bed. So why now? Why has it peaked again? It is so frustrating. Being a married daydreamer with children is difficult and frustrating, and yet I have lived with the daydreaming for so long and feel it has "saved" me so many times, I would never want to give it up. I just want to find that balance. How do others do it? 

[ShellyBelly]

I certainly have not yet found balance. At this point I am just at acceptance. Ultimately, if you feel it is serving a positive force for you in some way, just accept that for what it is at the moment- it's something that comforts you when you are alone and protects you when you need it. Maybe that it isn't so bad. It has more than likely peaked because you have been doing well at keeping it at bay. Same thing happens o me. I suggest to just keep trying to keep at bay, have several more good weeks and whn you peak again, just recognize that you are just learning to manage the cycle. Eventually I imagine you will start feel a little more control as you will be able to recognize your feeling at peak and while riding the wave of DD. Just let this time serve as a place of reflection and observation that will just tell you more about your DD and why you do it. No stress. :-)