I've been maladaptive daydreaming since as early as I can remember, at least since fifth grade, probably earlier. I never knew that it had a name until I happened across the term a couple months ago. I was immediately intrigued and researched everything I could on it. There's so much that I've read so far that just coincides exactly with what I've been feeling my whole life. I always assumed that there were other people out there somewhere in the world that struggled with this too, but I…

I feel like I've been talking a lot lately and that's something I don't usually do, but I found something out today.

A few months ago my sister (17 years old) mentioned that she thinks she might have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and I kind of dismissed it. Earlier today I brought it up again because she had one of her mood swings. I researched the disorder a bit and found out that she needs counseling right away or else her chances of a full recovery will drop from…

These so-called regular people, the ones who do not daydream so much. What do they think about all day. I can't imagine. I've only ever had my daydreams. They have always been there 

It is difficult to imagine processing a life event (big or small) without projecting it to a made up character, weaving it into the rich tapestry of their made-up lives.

It's not all them, I can quieten them if I really need to. Sometimes it's hard and the biggest disruption is when trying to…

This isn't much of a blog post in my opinion, but I just want to vent.

I do extemporaneous public speaking competitions for FFA at my school. That kinf of public speaking is where you have a few minutes to prepare a speech out of a little but of info. The reason I  put myself, a complete introvert, into this position, was because my idealized self is a public speaker. And a very famous public speak at that. Because in my head I am able to perfect those speeches, it causes me…

I don't have any friends nor acquaintances. I honestly don't know if it's a result of maladaptive daydreaming or the cause of maladaptive daydreaming, but most likely a mix of both. Trying to stop daydreaming is hard cause I realize how lonely I am then daydream to feel better. The good thing is I'm more mindful of my daydreams even though I still don't have full control of them. I basically go through life alone living in my head. If I'm not daydreaming, then I am thinking. 

CURSE OF THE IMAGINATION

WRITTEN ON  7/5/17 AT 4:12 PM

I was on the verge of greatness,

but then the greatest catastrophe,

even the consequence of entropy.

My passion became a cold fire,

my resolve…

solitude is addicting. Once you see how peaceful it is you don't want to be around people anymore.

my characters have taken on a life of their own and can have full convesations with me in my head (no avatar, just them talking directly to where my "eyes" would be)

they are emotive and their facial expressions change reacting directly to what i say

i view them in this space reserved specially for them that i call the realm (where they move about kind of like sims that i cant control)

it's very solid and not at all daydream-like and i can see it by…

Im currently living in NZ and am interested to know if there are any local groups or the like for MDD?

There are 4 autonomic responses to stress.  Fight and flight which are sympathetic and freeze and disassociate which are parasympathetic.  I believe that MD is an out of control parasympathetic dis-associative response.  If anyone in interested in pursuing this further, respond to this post and I will give you some tools to begin unwinding the response.

A rich inner world has always been a factor in my life but a story did not start to form until I was 7. A line was spoken in a TV show that sparked something in me that has never died.  I don't remember the TV show or the line. It was just part of some random dramatic scene in a teen drama my aunt was engrossed in.

I wonder how the actor would feel knowing what a profound effect that line had on my life. Pride or maybe pity.  I can't imagine because I don't even know how I'm supposed…

I was at the local post office. I was mailing my rent and a letter to my pen pal. Well, it was going great but during the whole transaction I was having inner conversation on what to do afterwards. Doing this and that, "oh that's a great idea." Then it came to finish the transaction at the counter I meant to say, "have a good day." Instead I blurted out, "that's a great idea". oh NOOOOOOOO. Did I just let out an inner conversation?!!! OH CRAP. I was so embarrassed. The lady looked surprised…

I believe that in my case, the only upside to maladaptive daydreaming is the heightened creativity. I use this creativity to write poetry. I spend the last few days working on a particular poem about maladaptive daydreaming. I figure that it does no good rotting away in my drawer so I might as well share it with all of you.

DAYDREAMERS

(completed 6/27/17 at 1:25 PM)

I am near,

But I am far,

I am lost,

I am broken,

I am…

Hi Everyone,

               I've been suffering from MDD since 2011. 99% of the time it's about me romancing with my girlfriend (non-existing) in the dream . It started off slowly where I would daydream only before sleeping and after waking up. But since 2014 it spread like wildfire. If I'm left alone now, I can't finish any task in time as I'll end up daydreaming.  It feels very difficult to get my mind out of it. I dream about me proposing to her, giving her tight hugs, flirting…

I just need to clear my mind and confess my feelings from today.

I don't have anyone else to tell and I am scared to incase they take my daydreams away from me with making me feel ashamed or embarrassed.

I feel like I am losing it slowly, I feel I am obsessed. I know why I daydream I want my life to be more fulfilling than working long hours and then coming home to sit on my phone and daydream my evenings away.

I dream about falling in love and someone falling in love…

I truly thought I was the only one suffering from this . Heck I did not even know what it was till one day I looked up my symptoms and found MD.  WOW that was me to the letter. I have always had a big imagination. I was the only girl in a family of boys. My Dad was abusive and I truly think that my MD was spawned by my childhood. I did it to escape the pain and loneliness.  I would lock myself in my bedroom and not come out. I did not have the problem at school. Now as an adult. I am still…

Today I wrote a letter to myself into my MD journal. Keeping this journal has helped me more than I can express in words. So I have decided to share this entry with you, hoping that it can inspire some of you to start a journal and face the demons you are struggling with as well...

'Hello, version of me reading this journal entry,

I just wanted to say thank you for writing in this book! Honestly just doing this every day is helping you so much! You know it, you…