Wild Minds Network

Where wild minds come to rest

I just need to clear my mind and confess my feelings from today.

I don't have anyone else to tell and I am scared to incase they take my daydreams away from me with making me feel ashamed or embarrassed.

I feel like I am losing it slowly, I feel I am obsessed. I know why I daydream I want my life to be more fulfilling than working long hours and then coming home to sit on my phone and daydream my evenings away.

I dream about falling in love and someone falling in love with me, there is no one else in their eyes but me. I am not jealous or worried I am happy. We are a unit and we have fun and are happy and we travel and do the things I feel I have missed out on in life.

The person changes from time to time, always an actor or musician or someone from TV. They become an obsession to me. Reading interviews, watching interviews and now with social media its worse.

I feel like if I was a teenage girl, it wouldn't be so bad but now I am 31 I feel scared that someone will spot that I have spent time searching for this person.

I wake up to them in my head and go to sleep with them on my mind. I just cant let the feelings go.

At the moment my life is at turning point, a new home, friends getting married and my other friend moving in with her boyfriend. I feel lost.

I am scared to meet anyone in real life as I feel I cant fulfill what they want, that I am not an interesting person. I have spent so long sheltered by my mother and when I was in a long relationship where my partner was 14 years older, I felt sheltered again and felt like I missed out on being young. We never went on holiday and spent most of our time in side watching films. When I was single again my friends were settling down and building new adult lives and had lived their wild fun days without me.

Whenever I daydream I feel alive, I feel free half of me wants to stop and the other part keeps clinging onto me.

If my friends knew they would think I was pathetic wasting so much energy.

I'm writing this instead of daydreaming so maybe that's a positive step.

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Comment by Whitney on June 26, 2017 at 10:05pm

Hi,
Expressing your thoughts is always a positive first step as us dreamers tend to keep everything inside. As Source pointed out, our DDs are always connected to what we are lacking in real life and yearn. Like you and many others, I am also afraid that even if I did get the most important aspects of my DDs in real life I would still not be satisfied, it wouldn't be as I imagined, and the reality of my own flaws (compared to my DDs).

The only way to combat this is by actually experiencing these life moments, accepting them as they come, and learn. Life isn't what we imagine in our heads and that doesn't mean it's going to be bad but it will require effort, acceptance, and change. The questions Source brought up are a great way to fight the negative thoughts/associations we have of reality and gives you an objective POV. You have to try to not be afraid of facing insecurities/rejections/fears and only by experiencing them can we defeat our negative thoughts and MDD.

Try to learn more about yourself, what you want in your life, and how to get there. Talk to your friends about your DDing and why you do it. They'll probably be more understanding than you think and try to assist you. Don't be afraid of losing your DDs, they'll always be there. However, life doesn't pause or restart like our DDs and will pass us by before we know it. That's why we need to live! (At least this is what I tell myself).

If you ever need to talk, don't be afraid of reaching out!

Comment by Camoran on June 26, 2017 at 4:21pm

You're doing nothing beyond the ordinary. Your life is... lacking, monotonous or so it feels to you, and in order not to go mad from the boredom your brain simulates the things you feel you need, but don't have.

You're constantly searching for that something that would give new intensity to your life, but without any hint of where or how to do the actual searching, you turn to your own mind, which then promptly provides, but only for a moment and for a price you'd rather avoid.

What's this about you thinking you can't fulfill what other people want? Do you even know what they would expect of you? And who are "they" to begin with? Is your image in others' eyes more important than your wellbeing, or are these "others" mere ghosts your mind creates to echo your own thoughts back at you?

Are you scared of others, of the world, or are you scared of yourself and projecting? And if the latter turns out to be the case, where does that tyranny come from?

I don't require an answer. These are questions you need to ask yourself, but not before silencing that voice of dishonesty that seems to be tearing you apart from the inside.

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