What do none MDD people think about?

[Katie Reed]

These so-called regular people, the ones who do not daydream so much. What do they think about all day. I can't imagine. I've only ever had my daydreams. They have always been there 

It is difficult to imagine processing a life event (big or small) without projecting it to a made up character, weaving it into the rich tapestry of their made-up lives.

It's not all them, I can quieten them if I really need to. Sometimes it's hard and the biggest disruption is when trying to sleep.

I'm not looking for advice, I don't feel sad, it's just a curiosity of how other people think. Kind of thinking out loud. 

I asked my boyfriend, but he's different too. Very fixated on his passion for writing code, he has very few relationships with people and a very low tolerance for any social situations he considers inefficient. 

So I tried to ask people, I get a blank stare or bland answers, what to have for the evening meal, what happened on some TV show.  OK sure I define a good movie by how long I think about it after viewing but it does not occupy much of my thoughts. Hmm never thought about this before but I actually always reflect on the experience as just me. 

Could it be that people don't want to be in their own head, but how do they deal with the emptiness in times alone when travelling. Possibly they just don't think too deeply about what they think about.  Also, it is a very personal question to ask someone and if someone asks me I tell them some bland answer too.

I just can't imagine what life is like without daydreaming or what people think about or how they reflect and process. How to be inspired to research something, for me it is because it affects my character. Or I may go someplace for a more vivid sense of their experiences. They debate each other and I need material for that as I made them smart, smarter than I can keep up with.

This is an odd way to live a life for sure and if I were not so deeply introverted I would probably drive myself crazy.

I'm not part of my own imaginary world, there is no idealized self that is direct representation of me, I'm there only an observer. Sure I project my opinions and personality on to them. Real Life interaction is just so exhausting, even my boyfriend wears me out mentally and he is as introverted as me. 

Maybe one of my MDD people will become MDD, I can see that happening. 

[Nikki K]

I've wondered this too!

A lot of times in my life while struggling to control MD I've gotten stuck on what to think about instead. But currently my MD is fairly manageable, and if I try hard enough I can go for a day or multiple days without it (usually followed by a crash, but I'm getting better). I've realized that during the times that I'm not MDing, it's usually because (a) I'm actively involved in a social situation or (b) I'm really motivated and into a project I'm working on or something I'm learning. Those down times still bother me though, when there's nothing you need to actively think about. The times when I'm in best control, I use down time to focus on possible real life situations, like conversations I'm going to have, like Annie talked about. It's when I get into a complicated, unrealistic plot line in a fantasy world that I start to lose control.

[Annie]

Hey Katie!

Funnily enough I asked that question recently, I asked my 3 closest friends. Or maybe I asked a version of that question. I didn't want to know what they think about, but rather HOW they think. I was battling with a particular bad breakdown after one of my MD fantasies crashed and I once more started an attempt to rid myself of this. (Still working on it, but I'm feeling better now). Anyways so I have 3 friends who I told about my MD and the problem it poses for me. And while I was going through this whole self-analysis I realized that MD is my way of thinking. Every thought I process is in the form of a conversation with my MD friends and partners. Sometimes they take place in reality, sometimes in my elaborate fantasy worlds. For me, these conversations and adventures had replaced any 'normal' thought processing from an early age - as long as I can remember I have done this. So I wanted to know from my friends how they think and thus figure out what 'normal' thinking is. They were brave enough to share it with me, for which I am grateful. It helped me a lot. Turns out there is no such thing as normal thinking:

Friend 1 is a fairly simple minded person who always sees things in black and white and doesn't like to fantasize. She thinks how I imagined straight forward thinking to be like. 'should I get this Tshirt? I don't really like the colour, so nah, put it back' etc. No characters, no fantasies. And even though I thought this would be what I expected from most people, I found it incredibly boring as well...

Friend 2 (creative, highly educated) says she also thinks about conversations, like she imagines telling the things she is concerned about to her mum, boyfriend or me. But it doesn't go beyond that. She doesn't fantasize, iterate real events or come up with entire new stories. It's just a running conversation or thinking about what other people she cares about would think about certain things she is experiencing or seeing.

Friend 3 (educated, analytical, not very creative) - and that was the biggest surprise - is a lot like me. When she heard about my issue she told me that she recognizes a lot of the things I told her about in her own behaviour, albeit not in a distracting or life-compromising way. She daydreams, sometimes about fame in her field or fame in general. But not to a degree where it distracts her from life. And her normal thought processes turned out to be much like a mix of Friend 2 and mine. Conversations with real people (not imaginary or famous ones like me most of the time). But she iterates and repeats scenarios that might happen or have already happened and thinks 'what could I have done different to achieve a different outcome' etc. Even the slightest decisions she iterates like that in her mind. Often in conversation with herself.

What I have learned from this is that that there is no such thing as 'normal' thinking. Every person is different. It depends on their personality, education, profession etc. I don't think that we should beat ourselves up anymore about daydreaming as a result. It's OK. It's a sign of high intelligence and creativity for me. What I am focusing on now for my own recovery is 'how can I manage to control it, so it doesn't impact my life in such a negative way anymore'? I want to keep daydreaming, because quite frankly (although I lover her dearly) I wouldn't want to have such a boring mind as Friend 1. ;-)

I hope that helps you a bit. Don't stress over what is normal and what other people do in their heads.

:-* Best wishes, Annie