Wild Minds Network

Where wild minds come to rest

Hi Everyone,

               I've been suffering from MDD since 2011. 99% of the time it's about me romancing with my girlfriend (non-existing) in the dream . It started off slowly where I would daydream only before sleeping and after waking up. But since 2014 it spread like wildfire. If I'm left alone now, I can't finish any task in time as I'll end up daydreaming.  It feels very difficult to get my mind out of it. I dream about me proposing to her, giving her tight hugs, flirting with her, cajoling her, consoling her, crying with her, laughing with her, sometimes getting intimate with her too. These are just a gist of the entire list of activities. In reality, I'm quite shy and reserved guy. Can't have eye contact with a girl comfortably (although improving nowadays). I remember doing meditation just before sleeping and just after waking up for 2 days last week and I can easily say that those 2 were the best days in the last 6 years - 0 seconds spent daydreaming before sleeping and after waking up. But since I lack self discipline, I stopped meditating after that. Sometimes the daydreaming becomes so strong that it won't let my mind think about meditation. My life has become hell. I daydream at home, in the lab, in the bus, cab etc. It's so strong and I enjoy it which makes it even more difficult to come out of it. Sometimes my daydreaming leads me to watch porn (I'm a porn addict too - masturbate thrice a week). And I've read that ADHD accompanies MD which is so true in my case. My mind never stays at one place. Some songs, incidents (real and imaginary) keep playing in my mind all the time. Sometimes I feel being accountable may help me to stick to my strategy but I don't know whom to share it with. Let me know what you guys think.

Thanks

Steve

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Comment by kirti on July 9, 2017 at 1:10am

No Steve Austin,

In my real life i am very brave girl.Don't have fear of rejection either at work or in relationship.

In the blog post "yes you can cure Maladaptive Daydreaming" written by Eretaia it is stated that we are psychologically able to feel . but our sense of self is so broken that we can not express love in real life that's why making image in our mind and express ourselves there.We can not even host emotions and dissociated from our own self. so MD happens.

Comment by Steve Austin on July 8, 2017 at 5:05pm

kirti - In my case, the girl doesn't really exist. It's more about romancing the girl than the girl itself. Coming to insecurities, do you have fear of rejection?

Comment by Sarah Peralta on July 5, 2017 at 4:41pm
Hi Steve I saw your post and it got my attention. I DD since I was a little and I don't really quite remember when did it start. But my dreams are always about boyfriends that I wish o had. Relationships. Usually triggered by a dream (night dream). Music and my actual relationship actually makes it worst cause the guy in my dreams is perfectly loving and the real one is not só is like a scape and music makes me feel really good. I have ADHD too I really have a hard time to focus in ANYTHING when I'm actually daydreaming. If you ever wanna talk about it let me know.
Comment by Zaria X on July 3, 2017 at 7:51am
I think this is my first post on this site. Hehe.

I'm only 18 but I've been MDing for as long as I can remember (maybe since I was 7). I recall last year I pretended I was sick for two days and stayed home from school because I was so embedded in my fantasies. I would avoid homework to fantasize, skip events to fantasize, and even neglect to eat to fantasize.

I consider myself shy and self conscious (though I'm currently working on that so it's getting better). And romantic fantasies are by far my biggest go to. I always daydream about some guy. We meet, some drama happens, but despite it all, we still fall head over heels in love, go on awesome adventures, and then we get married, have cool kids, and live happily ever after. I always have cool imaginary friends who I can share all my worries and secrets with and will always love me unconditionally. Everyone is also ridiculously good looking because why not, right?

My fantasies used to be huge problem. Ultimately, they keep you from actually living the life you want because you're too busy fantasizing about it. I've come to the conclusion (though it may sound depressing) that for every fantasy I conjure up, it's just another dream I can be sure will never come true, because the world will never be exactly how I imagine it to be. At first thinking this made me scared and disappointed.

Reality is not neat, colorful, and self serving like our fantasies are, and most of all its events are not under our full control. This stays true for the people we encounter and the places we go.

Romantic fantasies are seductive because they don't require us to put in any work on ourselves in order to be loved. You don't have to put yourself off on a whim in order to attract anyone. Magically, the right person comes along and breaks through your shell and loves you the way you always wanted to be loved. Or somehow, your fantasy persona is completely different from who you actually are, but is someone confident who has no problem pursuing love.

I've found the best way to combat MD is to do what I want, or at least as much as I can with what I have. Little adventures are fine, like to a new cafe that just opened up. I'm an introvert so going on adventures alone has proved fun as long as I try to be mindful of the world around me (don't imagine a beautiful sunset, actually watch one). Don't think too much of characters, think of concepts and develop ideas. Writing is good. When I find myself slipping at inconvenient time, I look around the room I'm in and mentally orient myself by whispering "I am here in this moment." I close my eyes, breathe, and try to be present. A good exercise is to smile at strangers. It is soooooo awkward at first. Sometimes people wouldn't smile back and I would mentally beat myself up about it but the more I did it the less it bothered me.

I know I have to start making real solid friends, that I can touch. I've found It's good to connect with people online in a lot of forums and talk about my interests as a way to become comfortable with who I am.

I no longer desperately aspire to romance. I'm trying to shift the focus to finding my best self before meeting someone.

Accept that you will never stop fantasizing. Everyone does it. It's not bad as long as it's managed. The world will never be exactly as you wish it to be, however if you go out and take an active part in your own life rather than living vicariously through your fantasy persona's triumphs, you'll find that though reality isn't perfect, the tangible quality that real people and real experiences have is often more fulfilling than the vague perfection of our fantasy worlds.

But it takes work. And it's uncomfortable. I personally hate making a fool of myself so much that I used to not even watch awkward scenes in movies because the second hand embarrassment was too much. I used to think it was better to do nothing at all and retreat into my head but eventually the fact that those people aren't really there will leave you empty.
Comment by kirti on July 2, 2017 at 12:18am

Steve Austin, you said you are shy person but you daydream about girlfriend which is opposite of your personality. same with me.I also daydream about my crush(real). But worst thing is that i don't want him still my mind always creates scenario with him. 

So Annie,

Are saying that if we deal with our insecurities ,MD disappears !

I can not exactly figure out my insecurity which causes this behavior.

Comment by Annie on June 29, 2017 at 4:54am

I think you are completely normal like the rest of us here who suffer from MDD. We all share similar fantasies and the pain that comes when it impacts our 'real' life. In recent weeks I found the key to getting better is to realize the things that are causing you to escape. Social anxiety, loneliness etc and work on them with a therapist, through journals or simply through talking to friends in real life. There is no quick fix and it will take a long time and numerous setbacks. But you are neither crazy nor unusual for MD, and you are not alone. The blogs here (especially the one by Eretaia) have helped me a lot! Good luck on your journey!

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