Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
Hi Everyone,
I've been suffering from MDD since 2011. 99% of the time it's about me romancing with my girlfriend (non-existing) in the dream . It started off slowly where I would daydream only before sleeping and after waking up. But since 2014 it spread like wildfire. If I'm left alone now, I can't finish any task in time as I'll end up daydreaming. It feels very difficult to get my mind out of it. I dream about me proposing to her, giving her tight hugs, flirting with her, cajoling her, consoling her, crying with her, laughing with her, sometimes getting intimate with her too. These are just a gist of the entire list of activities. In reality, I'm quite shy and reserved guy. Can't have eye contact with a girl comfortably (although improving nowadays). I remember doing meditation just before sleeping and just after waking up for 2 days last week and I can easily say that those 2 were the best days in the last 6 years - 0 seconds spent daydreaming before sleeping and after waking up. But since I lack self discipline, I stopped meditating after that. Sometimes the daydreaming becomes so strong that it won't let my mind think about meditation. My life has become hell. I daydream at home, in the lab, in the bus, cab etc. It's so strong and I enjoy it which makes it even more difficult to come out of it. Sometimes my daydreaming leads me to watch porn (I'm a porn addict too - masturbate thrice a week). And I've read that ADHD accompanies MD which is so true in my case. My mind never stays at one place. Some songs, incidents (real and imaginary) keep playing in my mind all the time. Sometimes I feel being accountable may help me to stick to my strategy but I don't know whom to share it with. Let me know what you guys think.
Thanks
Steve
Comment
No Steve Austin,
In my real life i am very brave girl.Don't have fear of rejection either at work or in relationship.
In the blog post "yes you can cure Maladaptive Daydreaming" written by Eretaia it is stated that we are psychologically able to feel . but our sense of self is so broken that we can not express love in real life that's why making image in our mind and express ourselves there.We can not even host emotions and dissociated from our own self. so MD happens.
kirti - In my case, the girl doesn't really exist. It's more about romancing the girl than the girl itself. Coming to insecurities, do you have fear of rejection?
Steve Austin, you said you are shy person but you daydream about girlfriend which is opposite of your personality. same with me.I also daydream about my crush(real). But worst thing is that i don't want him still my mind always creates scenario with him.
So Annie,
Are saying that if we deal with our insecurities ,MD disappears !
I can not exactly figure out my insecurity which causes this behavior.
I think you are completely normal like the rest of us here who suffer from MDD. We all share similar fantasies and the pain that comes when it impacts our 'real' life. In recent weeks I found the key to getting better is to realize the things that are causing you to escape. Social anxiety, loneliness etc and work on them with a therapist, through journals or simply through talking to friends in real life. There is no quick fix and it will take a long time and numerous setbacks. But you are neither crazy nor unusual for MD, and you are not alone. The blogs here (especially the one by Eretaia) have helped me a lot! Good luck on your journey!
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