Where wild minds come to rest
I've been suffering from MDD since 2011. 99% of the time it's about me romancing with my girlfriend (non-existing) in the dream . It started off slowly where I would daydream only before sleeping and after waking up. But since 2014 it spread like wildfire. If I'm left alone now, I can't finish any task in time as I'll end up daydreaming. It feels very difficult to get my mind out of it. I dream about me proposing to her, giving her tight hugs, flirting with her, cajoling her, consoling her, crying with her, laughing with her, sometimes getting intimate with her too. These are just a gist of the entire list of activities. In reality, I'm quite shy and reserved guy. Can't have eye contact with a girl comfortably (although improving nowadays). I remember doing meditation just before sleeping and just after waking up for 2 days last week and I can easily say that those 2 were the best days in the last 6 years - 0 seconds spent daydreaming before sleeping and after waking up. But since I lack self discipline, I stopped meditating after that. Sometimes the daydreaming becomes so strong that it won't let my mind think about meditation. My life has become hell. I daydream at home, in the lab, in the bus, cab etc. It's so strong and I enjoy it which makes it even more difficult to come out of it. Sometimes my daydreaming leads me to watch porn (I'm a porn addict too - masturbate thrice a week). And I've read that ADHD accompanies MD which is so true in my case. My mind never stays at one place. Some songs, incidents (real and imaginary) keep playing in my mind all the time. Sometimes I feel being accountable may help me to stick to my strategy but I don't know whom to share it with. Let me know what you guys think.