Sounds crazy but because  I have such family abuse in my childhood and problems with classmates and coworkers I have  long dreams about what they did to me. I get sooooo angry that I bite my two index fingers hard to make the dream feel real.  Its like the dream drums up so much hurt and pain and the only way to feel like I am letting it out is to bite my fingers. Many people ask about the scabs on my pointer fingers and I lie and say its exzema or that I got  burned or something like…

Since friday, I've been miserably sick. Vomiting, shaking, miserable sickness. I've been randomly laughing and crying for absolutely no reason. I've been trying to shower these past few days (my smell has been unbearable) but I keep vomiting and feeling weak even after a simple walk to the bathroom, which is less than five feet away. After i reach the bathroom, i vomit for five minutes, then lay on the floor. After a few hours of laying on the cold, hard floor, I decide I'm too weak to sit…

For me the majority of my daydreaming is done with headphones on and looking in the mirror. My dream self and all my scenarios go on in my head lasting for hours. If  I had a stressful day the first thing I would do when I go home is lock myself in my apartment and dream while looking into the mirror. This is why I could not have a roommate because they would see my strange behavior. Now I am living with family and I have my own room. I go there to dream. They call me but I can't hear them…

And I thought I was the only one. I didn't even know what to call it. When I got on the internet and began to  finally ask questions I found out that it was called Maladaptive Daydreaming. I am now pushing 40 yrs old and this will be the first time I ever speak about it to anyone. I have missed out on soooo much of my life because of my "other worlds". The education, job opportunities, dating, marriage, learning how to drive a car etc etc. because of daydreaming. I am a Pisces and an…

So in one of my earlier entries I had talked about telling my best friend about my MDD.

He was in the hospital for his schizophrenia and was feeling embarrassed so I figured that the timing seemed pretty good, He also had just knocked on my door and "awoke" me from a trance and he noticed that I didn't really see him for a good 5 seconds. My cover was blown.

We talked about his stay in the hospital for awhile and we had a really good bonding talk but I was acting weird and he…

these days i daydream more than i should and find it difficult to stop.its usually about me a more idealised version of myself .My world the way i want it to be.so i was lyin on my bed as usual laughing and talking to myself when my mom walked into my room.she was like "what are you doing" and i thought oh god i am so busted.my mom thinks something is wrong with me because i…

The Depressed Cake Shop Experiment

 The title links to a Google search of an experiment undertaken by a bakery in   to raise awareness about depression. It soon spread to bake shops in the UK, Malaysia and even to one bakeshop in Bangalore. It aims to raise the taboo and silence…

I was recommending this website to someone the other day when it occurred to me that I haven't logged on here in at least three years. I was eighteen-turning-nineteen when I last made a post and now I'm twenty-one-turning-twenty-two. Man, time does fly. 

In that time span, my MDD hasn't really gotten better or worse, to be honest. It's stayed pretty stagnant which I guess could be a good thing - it means at least I'm not falling deeper into it. But it also means I'm not getting any…

the sun rises,heralding the start of a new day

spreading hues of orange in the dim sky

i wake up to my mothers shoutings

her shrill voice piercing through my soul

she says"why arent you awake,GO AND STUDY".

i sigh in exasperation,i know that there is

no use in retaliation.

i have to succumb to reality

i am a prisoner in my own home

my mother being the strict jailor.

each day i hatch a plan to escape'

each day i…

SO for 30yrs I have been hiding this from everyone, not even my best (and only) friend knows.

It can be hard to hide but I don't pace or run as some of you do so I guess that makes it easier to cover up

I tend to smoke twice as much when I md and pot is a important part as well, I find when I smoke a joint it keeps me from standing up randomly and my md adventures are really enhanced by this. (anyone else do this)

I have decided to tell my best friend about what I have…

This song was my "soundtrack". 

A little background: my main character is named Alex Stone. He is currently 42. He came back from Italy after 3 years of making new friends and embarking on new adventures. Along the way, he stopped drinking (besides the glass of wine with dinner), stopped the party animal lifestyle, and stopped having casual sex.

Upon his return to the States, he and his estranged best friend/brother have…

But I feel like I need to come back.

My daydreaming has become more constant than before. Even when I'm at work, when I'm doing school work, even when I'm talking to friends, I am daydreaming about my other life. And I've had new story developments because of changing factors in my life.

It's getting so bad that my other life emotions are mixing with my real life emotions and I'm more depressed than ever.

I feel like I need a community to help. I…

Looking back over my new years eve post and realised in actual fact it doesn't reflect in the slightest how I feel at all. It's quite embarrassing actually >/p>

It's a sad fact that me and alcohol never mix very well. Due to having moderate anxiety issues I realise sometimes drinking can take something so minor and run with it. Anyhow I did get legless and in actual fact, after I got some air so to speak I actually had a great night. Though not such a great morning after I…

I've shared this elsewhere on the site,  but I'm one of those who pace when they daydream. More specifically though, I act out my daydreams, speaking the lines and, essentially, carrying out the character's actions as if I really were the character (in my mind, the scenes/actions play out like a movie). This limits my daydreaming time to when I'm completely alone/at home. At work or in the car, I can do it if I really want to. It's no problem to talk out loud while I'm in the car, or rock…

I haven't seen it yet but I've read the reviews.  It sounds like a great movie but the technology aspect is what interests me the most.   Do you think someday we'll have AI which we could communicate with on a high level?  The reason i bring this up is it seems  to me a personalized AI(artificial intelligence) might be a great remedy for people who suffer from MD!  If you could constantly have a personalized AI around to communicate with you, engage in interesting discussions  with you,…

Hello everyone. This post will probably tell you nothing new, but I wanted to say hi and write a bit about my experience.

Like some of you, I am a very shy person. Not really sociable and insecure also. I had no friends during childhood and I was bullied in high school (although at least there I found my first real friends). My daydreaming began as fanfiction of books or movies or even videogames, but I gave it so much thought in the end I would twist so much the plot I would make…