MDD has caused me to hurt myself by biting my two index fingers

Sounds crazy but because  I have such family abuse in my childhood and problems with classmates and coworkers I have  long dreams about what they did to me. I get sooooo angry that I bite my two index fingers hard to make the dream feel real.  Its like the dream drums up so much hurt and pain and the only way to feel like I am letting it out is to bite my fingers. Many people ask about the scabs on my pointer fingers and I lie and say its exzema or that I got  burned or something like that.

I go over in my mind all of the things I would like to say to those who bullied me and the next thing I know my heart is racing and my face is hot and red. It's messed up, I know. I read somewhere that forgiveness is the key but even when I try to forgive I still get taken into MDD and get angry all over again.

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Comment by Gethin on January 20, 2014 at 6:42pm

I have been biting  my hands between my index finger and thumb since I was around 4 or 5. I have always have scars or open wounds because of it. I do it because of my Autism, which I know is completely different as to why you do it, however if it helps you feel better when people ask about my hands I openly tell them I bite them. If they ask why I bite, I usually respond with "It is just something I do.  It is kind of like clicking a pen or shaking your leg." 

When I was in school my teachers would try to get me to do something else when I felt like biting. I had a stress ball I was supposed to squeeze instead of biting or they would give me a straw (or something similar) that I could bite instead of my hand. Some days things like that would not help, I needed the physical harm to be there so they would make me squeeze two fingers as hard as I could. 

I do not know if any of this will be helpful. Different things work for different people and it all depends on the specific day and immediate circumstance for the individual. Lately, nothing has helped me stop biting. Even the cream I have to apply on my hands to prevent infection is not stopping me from biting.

I hope you can find something that will help you. I understand how biting makes it so much better sometimes, but I have also seen how it can affect the people that are close to you. For me, some days seeing the concern on my husband's face can be enough for me to stop.  

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