Turns out I'm not insane

[River]

SO for 30yrs I have been hiding this from everyone, not even my best (and only) friend knows.

It can be hard to hide but I don't pace or run as some of you do so I guess that makes it easier to cover up

I tend to smoke twice as much when I md and pot is a important part as well, I find when I smoke a joint it keeps me from standing up randomly and my md adventures are really enhanced by this. (anyone else do this)

I have decided to tell my best friend about what I have been doing for 30yrs, I have known him for 20yrs and he suffers from schizophrenia and is presently in the hospital.

He won't let me visit him b/c he is embarrassed, so I thought that to lessen his embarrassment I would reveal my secret to him.

I am on a 1month binge and counting averaging 12-17hrs a day (I know it is way too much) but I am so depressed and have a habit of binging, I am also unemployed right now which doesn't help.(I have had a headache for 4days)

Any ways thanx for letting me rant, I just wanted to say hi.

Nice to see that I am not crazy....well not too crazy lol

My mind is a river, constantly flowing and raging
Each pebble ,rock , and turn changing the flow
Smoothing every edge to perfection
to me that's....beautiful

[Sandra]

Hi River. I have been a moderate to heavy pot smoker off and on for 10 years. Getting high = total immersion in my MD. I didn't realize until finding this site. When I smoke, I an 100% gone. I haven't smoked since two days before New Years. I have used many things to hide and escape for a long time and I'm coming back down to earth. And it sucks really bad. My MD has lessened not smoking. And I feel like my anxiety and anger has been ramped up. U have found a community of peeler like you.

[Queen Dopamine]

I love what you wrote at the end. And it perfectly captures how we are! Sometimes I wonder if there's an attention-deficit disorder linked to all this or something.

Nice to meet you. I've also felt embarrassed by it, and even ashamed. It's nice to know that it's a coping mechanism and that others do it to the degree that you do. :) Welcome!

[Iris]

Welcome! I'm a longterm daydreamer like you, now almost for 40 years.

I whish you all the best for you and your friend. Revealing these secret can bring you closer to each other. I think it can help you and him, if you have the courage to tell him. If you want, let us know.

I like your name and the poem about the river. Sometimes I think that we are the pebbles, that get smoothed by life.