Things are much better now

[River]

So in one of my earlier entries I had talked about telling my best friend about my MDD.

He was in the hospital for his schizophrenia and was feeling embarrassed so I figured that the timing seemed pretty good, He also had just knocked on my door and "awoke" me from a trance and he noticed that I didn't really see him for a good 5 seconds. My cover was blown.

We talked about his stay in the hospital for awhile and we had a really good bonding talk but I was acting weird and he knew it; Usually when I get stuck in my mind for long stretches he doesn't see it , we are both hermits so it has been easy to avoid detection.

So on the verge of an anxiety attack I just started telling him everything, I must have asked him if he thought I was a lunatic 20 times.

He was very supportive, but he was also fascinated by what I was saying. With his disorder these sorts of experiences are associated with chaos and lack of control, and he is unaware that they aren't real. So it was hard for him to understand at first but he finally got it.

I had a whole page of quotes from MDD sufferers and had him look through it, he would stop on everyone and ask "do you feel like this"and I would explain how it related to me. He was really trying to understand and it made me feel comfortable so I told him about an adventure. I think he was blown away not just because of my elaborately detailed world but I think that he had never seen that side of me before.

Our friendship has never been stronger and we both feel comfortable talking about our disorders, which is so weird since I have spent my whole life not talking about it.

Since our talk I have divided my DD time into DDing and writing down what I DD about. I feel so much better, except for my headaches(day 7)

Just wanted to tell my story, sorry it is so long.

I had wrote this poem a few days ago, but I decided to add more to it.

My friend is understanding, accepting and caring

He is compassionate, loving and loyal

He listens but is never critical or judgemental

Too bad he doesn't exist....or was he there all along.

Peace

 

[Lucrezia Duchessa]

So beautiful.