STRATEGY: HIDE. RIGHT. 

  Both me and my friend had alcoholic dads. This is hard in your teen years. She's very down-to-earth person, and wanted to change him. I knew, I couldn't change anything. I knew, I shouldn't help my mom to cope with this. She made the choice. She could divorce him. But she didn't. Her choice. We all have free will. Or, freedom of choices, if you wish. So, my friend was learning hard, doing all home tasks, crying, begging and so on. I was somewhere between…

And it makes me wonder...

Apartment insurance. I bought fire, flood and other naturals disasters insurance for my apartment, but never had burglary insurance. I just don't need it. When I tell this, people are surprised, that I have nothing to lose. Really. C'mon, my furtinute and home appliances are so heavy, that it's not possible to steal. I don't have expensive appliances. Well, maybe, a camera and a coffee machine,…

OMG my Monday night class is TORTURE.  I want to cry.  Why do people smack that much?  Seriously every time they open their mouth for FOUR HOURS.  My ears hurt.  I just wanted to cover them and cry.  I don’t participate in class.  It’s really hard to care at all when you just want to scream.  There’s this blond girl who sits next to me, and she tries to be friendly, but she smacks when she eats, talks, BREATHES.  I just want to strangle her.  She does this for the entire class.  Everyone…

I was diagnosed with adult ADHD, a much overdue diagnosis.  I signed up for Mind Sparke training, which exercises your working memory to the point that you should be able to focus like a normal person, well almost.  It has been praised in the NY times.  It's competitor is called Cogmed, but is not as flexible and MUCH more expensive. 

This does not necessarily exclude Maladaptive Daydreaming.  They could coincide.  Maybe my daydreaming is a product of my ADHD inattentive…

When I think, I live in parallel universe, I wonder, what is going around in their heads.  And I think, that this world would be dull without such people.

My friend Dorota. According to her, she's a Viking princess. Nobody knows, why Dorota studied economics (she was actually good in it). Most of the time she was in Middle Ages. Dorota made / bought Medieval dress and jewelery as you have to be dressed properly for Viking…

Day-dreaming, German style. Slow, rough and methaphysical story about winning.

THE GREAT ECSTASY OF WOODCARVER STEINER

(Germany / Switzerland, 1974, by Werner Herzog)

German band Popol Vuh did a great job on a soundtrack - the score itself is enough to make you dream. It's totally lucid, psychedelic, lighter than the air, very slow and totally hypnotizing. So does the movie.

Steiner developed a flying ability,…

When I was 6, my parents were talking about a person, who won a lottery. This person could buy probably everything she wanted. And I had a dream: to win a lottery and rent a spaceship. My mom was laughing, saying that no matter, how much money you had, you would never be in space. Ironically, today we have space tourists.

Now, I have established 3 layers of dreams, all making me sad.

First layer dreams: realistic but hard to…

... Or how Angel just can't blog one topic at a time.

So here it is Friday, and the residual pain from last weekend's migraine is still here.  Like a spike stuck in the front of the right lobe of my brain, not painful enough for painkillers just enough to be a bother.  Its alright I have an appointment on 5/11 with Dr. C, he will likely adjust my preventative medications again.  That is typical for migraine patients to have to…

I would never consider my daydreaming as some kind of issue. It's just my way to live. I've been daydreaming since I can only remember. As a child, in primary school I had imaginary friend. When I was going on a walk, there was always imaginary dog, cat, tiger, lion or bird walking with me. And I've been always "colorising" world around me.

And now? Now, I think, it got worse. Not only I'm daydreaming, which stopes me from finishing anything I'm doing at the time. One day I…

those moments

that seemed so happy and perfect and true

were less real than my wildest daydreams 

for some reason i think this should be comforting in light of what happened. but it's just making me more sad. maybe in time. is it worse if it was always fake or…

Ever since I started daydreaming when I was five years old, I have based most of my daydreams on books, movies, and tv shows.  I never daydreamed about real people.  I did, however, struggle with feelings that my daydreams made me a freak or that I was irresponsible for allowing myself to indulge in this fantasy.  Over the years, I tried to stop on several occasions, but it never lasted for long.

About a year ago, my sophomore year of college, I learned about MD and discovered this…

Migraine is mostly gone, only a little residual pain.  I'm really tired though.

Noise is really bothering me today.  People in the hallway shouting or talking too loud, echoing, echoing...  to each other and on their phones too!  Its the courthouse and my office is in the main hallway so we get to hear it all.  Today I can't tolerate the idiocy out there.  That's the way I feel, I'm sorry.  This place was built poorly every sound echoes, so even if they aren't trying to be…

     so i have done this daydreaming thing, as i thought of it since i was a little kid. I can remember how awesome my imagination was back then, playing with legos and building forts and jet cockpits in my room and imagining i was whatever the situation was. now as i grew up, i noticed first in high school that i would do this, not thinking much of it. i was sort of a social nerd and i was picked on from time to time. i remember id play this hockey game on playstation and id pretend while…

The migraine came on anyway, last night.  Thursday and Friday I took my abortive medication which only helped delay it happening.  I felt funny the whole time.  Now that I have the headache, most of the other funny symptoms are gone.  Thank you!  Pain I can deal with.  Pain meds and a little coffee today, by tomorrow I should be all better.  Since I'm no longer feeling strange my brain is mostly back to normal.  I can daydream freely, think freely, and function.  Its pretty good,…

Hello,

I'm very new to this and I just discovered this website today. I love it because I've had it all my life and now I have people to talk to about it!

The main daydream I often have is romantic ones. Usually, I see one celebrity I like and have my dreams around that.  I will think of different ways we might meet and fall in love one day. I've always been a fan of the beginings of relationships when everything is new and fun. However, I have never acted out…

Ok, so for my next story for class, I thought I'd try and write the blog of the person in my first story, Miles.  It's basically her chronicling her descent into madness as her sensitivities take over.  I have NO idea if it's good or completely boring.  Does anyone actually want to read this?  It's largely biographical, so I'm even more connected to it and even less aware of whether people want to read my boring issues.  It's not nearly done.  I just thought I'd post what I have so far in…

Here's the book:  "overheard in a dream" by Torey Hayden.

Torey Hayden writes a lot of non-fiction.  SHe's a child psychologist who has written books about all the messed up kiddies she worked with, and she's one of my faviourite authors. 

But a couple of months ago i stumbled across a NOVEL that she wrote.  It's about a psychiatrist trying to 'unlock' a supposedly autistic boy, and he works a lot with the little boy's mother. 

What's interesting here…

I've been mostly on the outside of my own mind these last couple days.  It feels strange, almost alien to be immersed in the real world as much as I am right now.  It isn't the productive, positive, happy feeling from a few weekends ago either.  Its hazy and dreamlike.  I went to bed last night feeling sick and today a migraine is trying to come.  Maybe its the migraine?  Migraines always do funny things to my brain.  I get words mixed up, forget names/words, get dizzy, nauseous, and…