lame

[Sparrow]

Forget everything I said. Everything positive. I am in the same place as last year. I have 6 papers to finish. Three that need to be done tomorrow, two by tuesday. I want to die. I cannot concentrate on them at all. I am going to fail everything just like last year. I keep telling myself this is the last week, pull it together, unlimited summer fun coming right up. But it won't be the same. Having to tell my parents... they will be so disappointed. They will be mad until I can manage to pay them back for all the classes I am abut to fail. I spent all weekend with him. He was high. I hate myself so much right now. I hate how much I hate myself I feel so pathetic. Why can't I just control my life. Well not absolute control but they kind where you feel you own your choices. I just want to stop making decisions that make me feel like shit. I just want to make things happen in my real life. I hope I get into that program so bad. I just need to get away from this place. I can change I would change in a new setting. I can never change. I cannot believe I'm going to fucking fail again. I have no idea how I will make my way in this life. I am so sick of missing out on shit, of letting myself down, of fucking up. I am freaking out.

[Sparrow]

thanks so much! it was so encouraging to read everyones comments. i never expected that one day i would feel comfortable venting about how daydreaming affects my school work to people who actually understood.

 

 

[Tila]

Hey. I share your feelings completely....I have been over my head in schoolwork before....hell, I have even failed a few classes. I often think to myself in these situations, "I want to change for good" or "I want to stop MD for good" Maybe that is the silver lining of situations like these..... it makes our shortcomings suddenly real to us. We also realize how authentic our desire to change is.

What I hate almost as much as failing is getting a B on a paper that you know perfectly well you could've pulled an A on had you spent an extra day writing!

My final research paper was one week late....I knew this but kept writing it, because the subject of the paper interested me.... I was also yearning for a polished end-product, something I could be proud of.

I ended up getting a B in the class, despite my final paper (50% of my grade) being a week late. I am convinced this had something to do with the quality of my paper.  I guess my point is that a late, but impressive paper is so much better than a half-assed late paper....

So if you have a reason for persevering through these projects that has nothing to do with the grade, focus on that!

Please, don't be too hard on yourself. :)

 

 

 

 

 

[Heinriech Heisner]

Yeah, I don't really know what to say, because I've never dealt with high stress like that very well either. But I have found that some professors can be pretty understanding -- I would just, at least try, talk with them -- you don't even have to explain the MD, just let them know that you are completely stressed out and can't focus because you have so much to do and ask if you can get an extension with some of your work. You may have to compromise with a lowered grade, but it won't be a fail. I'm sure you won't be the first one to ask the professor about one.

 

As a side note, that's exactly what I've been known to do in high stress periods -- get away and escape.

[phoenix62]

I am so sorry....I have been there. I had to drop out of college, I was so depressed....but you shouldn't have to do what I did. I was in school in 1981-83...and some people really didn't understand how crippling depression in teens and young adults could be...and they CERTAINLY  didn't understand MD even remotely...they still don't.

Please try to get some help if you can...

Question. Can you get an incomplete in a few classes, make the work up? Perhaps if you explain to your professors-the ones that might understand what you are dealing with?

I actually did that when I was in college. Granted, I had doctor's notes to back it up, and I was actually hospitalized...but-just a thought.

 

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

Sounds like what I go through every term.  Hang in there.  We're here for you.