And there are some days when I feel happy and there are other days when I just don't feel anything at all. I'm so tired of my emotional roller coaster. I’m tired of hating my life and everything around me. Some times I just sit down and think about what people would be like if I ever just went missing. I have this terrible self loathing that makes me curl up and hide from…

My Anxiety/Panic

I can’t see

and it’s like I am now in a very dark room

where a bright light has just gone out

standing on the edge of eternity

knowing there is an open doorway

of light

somewhere

but I can’t see it

and therefore can’t get to it fast enough

and I need to

because I know what also lurks

in the darkness

a door that’s…

Okay, not that I have gotten your attention, I have something I would like to say. I've been thinking a lot lately and realized I want to make a difference in this world. Now, I understand why I dd about the certain things I do, one for boredom and creativity but my character does have something peculiar about her, she loves to help people and usually she effects them hugely in ways they can't repay. The strange part is she did a lot of this stuff anonymously, and it got me thinking, what…

Change. It happens wether or not we want it. It can be slow. It can strike fast, like lightning. It can be temporary. It can be forever.

Change affects us all.

So a lot has happened in just a few days. I blacked out for March 15th and 16. I woke up in a place I don't remember coming to. Appearently I became very suicidal and even engaged in some self harm. I found out from an ER report that my partner broke up with me. Due to refusing to agree to safety contracts with…

I just can't get her out of my head! What else can I say?

She's lovely.

But the question is, do I want to be LIKE her, or do I WANT her with me? Or both?

Remember back in the 7th grade

When we were both nobodies.

We didn't care for relationships or popularity.

We had homeroom together and our teacher hated us.

Remember the fun?

Do you remember 8th grade? When you became HOTT!! So many girls wanted you... but you picked me.

Remember our 9 months? Only 6 of them counted... but we had…

We all daydream about everything 

But most of us have a main character in the midst of things

I am the main character in my day dreams

I daydream i am popular and have a nice girl 

So if i get a girl and have a few good friends i can trust on, then I will be happy in real life. In fact, I have some good friends, I just need a girl. 

I hate day dreaming 

I want a good reality 

fuck day dreaming, it leads to nothing in…

Last night I confessed my daydreaming to my boyfriend in a roundabout way. Well actually it was 'as they say' like a confession dressed as a truth, wrapped up in an enigma, or something like that...



So I was offered my old job back and the money would be nice but not essential and he has commented recently on how happy I am away from that woman! We talked some more about money and what i actually do all day. I confessed I am writing a novel and he eventually coaxed the plot / theme…

So after much advice from several of you whom I talked to in chat recently. I managed to open up to my partner about playing DnD. He had to approach me first but I was able to open up. Now though I'm anxious and nearly on the verge of tears. He told me yesterday that i need to bring it up because he will forget to think about it and that because I had done so well cleaning the house up that I deserved it and he owed it to me. He said we would get to play tomorrow(which is tonight). But he…

So I guess it would be proper to introduce myself as well as give a small amount of background information for any who are interested in learning a bit more about me. I am 23 and female. I have been living in fantasy worlds since about 10-11 years old. Though I do think it is a symptom of Dissociative Identity Disorder(for myself).  I am painfully shy, even over the internet right now(so feel free to approach me since it is very difficult for me to come to you first). I am joining this site…

Go all the way back

To 97-98

Think of all the fun

We had as classmates

I couldn't stand you though

Just the look of your face

It said "I'm better than you"

All over the place

And then what happened was

We became best friends

And we would be inseparable

Till the very…

Well, hello everyone on this site. I’m new here, and I would like to introduce myself. So, here it goes…



I want to start by saying I’ve been lurking around this site for several months now, without having the courage to make an account. My name is Elizabeth, also known as Lizzie or Liz, and I’m a seventeen-year-old high school/college student. I enjoy listening to power pop, drinking tea, writing in fancy journals, and daydreaming.



Oh, I love daydreaming. I often rush home…

The darkness. That's all that I was aware of. Was darkness. My eyes were open, I know they were, but I didn't see anything. I even did that thing where you wave your hands in front of your face, hold them there for a second to try to see finger silhouettes. But nothing. I sat there, I don't know how long it had been. I decided to search. Groping around on the floor trying to figure out where I was. I came across a wall. It had a cloth over it. I pulled downward on it, but it didn't come off.…

     "Dan, you are suffering; you do not fundamentally enjoy your life.  Your entertainments, your playful affairs, and even your gymnastics are temporary ways to distract you from your underlying sense of fear."

     "Wait a minute, Soc."  I was irritated.  "Are you saying that gymnastics and sex and movies are bad?"

     "Of course not.  But for you they're addictions, not enjoyments.  You use them to distract you from your chaotic inner life - the parade of regrets,…

Tomorrow

Today was bad. And when I say bad, I mean bad. After a hard day at work and sitting at home and doing nothing but watch tv, I decided to go outside to run. I am trying to live a healthier life. Nothing wrong with that, but the problem was that I brought along with me my music. I tried to convince myself that it would not be a problem, but it ended up being a major problem. I fantasized about bang a track star; turning heads. Then I fantasized about me dancing with a guy I…

So yea..... I've been reading through a lot of poetry from you, my fellow MDers. I haven't written anything in a long time but I went back and had a look at the stuff I used to write and thought I'd share the ones I like. So I guess I'll start posting some of my old poetry and miscellaneous writings with you all. ENJOY!

You Lie So Much, You Believe Yourself…

I'm new here and I would like to make some friends. I just started researching MD because I wanted to know if other people had the same experiences as me and it is nice that there is a community out there for people like us! 

Ok, so I got huge spikes in my DD today while @ work. Mind you, I have a college degree and I am working as a cashier/food preparer. So that really gives me room for creativity (ideas for DD!). I'm grateful to God for my job, but God knows that I want a real job. So while I was working and doing the normal routine, (sweeping the floor, cleaning equipment, ect.) I imagined that I was making lots of…

Well, I still have to say that I need work. My daydreaming is an ongoing thing that I have to use a lot of strength to fight. It’s hard for me because at the moment, I just go to work and go back home. I really don’t have that much going on right now, so I’m am desperately looking for something to interest me in the real world. It affects me when I am at work. I can still function, but I really appreciate NOT having this…