Paranoid?

[Jules]

Sometimes I feel like the rest of the world is against me, and so I want to disappear. Am I just being paranoid? Probably. But it doesn't matter, because I still don't like the agony of wondering. I am so caught up in what people think of me...it's exhausting. I can never relax.

I've decided to move out into my own place. My own space would be nice. A place to call my own and not have to keep looking over my shoulder to see if what I'm doing is right, or ok.

This is why I created my own little world in my head. It's safe. I'm in control of everything and everyone. I wonder sometimes how an extra-sensitive person is to live in a life like this. I need to DayDream to get by...to feel sane.

Being paranoid is like a worm eating away at my stomach. It hurts with it's uncomfortable gnawing and turning and never ceasing.

I want a home. I want to feel and be safe. I want the silence to take me closer to itself, so I can rest there a while. Know what I mean?

[Emily]

I know what you mean. Especially with that whole 'worm' idea, the pain. it's those times I just want to melt into the ground and hide. I just want to not be... there. It's a hard thing to explain I guess... But it's those moments I want to be alone. Or just sitting in a room with my characters, that would somehow come into existance. It just hurts. My stomach, oh how uncomfortable!

Whenever I go back to my house after a long, dreary day, feeling without a home, I have my characters sing songs from the musical 'Wonderland' which focuses a lot on homes and not being alone. The soundtrack's on youtube. The songs "Home" (and reprise), "Heros", "Together", "Worst day of my life", "I am my own invention", "Once more I can see", and (a huge one describing md for me), "Finding Wonderland" mostly. I don't know, I just want to wish you the best and hope that you will get through it all. Maybe we both can... :)