My house-mates and I sat down last night to have a "Star Wars" marathon... and I got bored with it very quickly. Just not my thing I guess. (However it is quite long!) But we did finish the last episode just now... and I did see that to the end.

I'm finding it really hard to be interested in films these days. And I'm worried that my MD world has taken over my ability to enjoy good movies. Or even TV for that matter. My friends start watching something, then I get bored, and go into my bedroom and watch my favourite films over and over until I feel like I can participate in them...because I love being there with those characters. And I love that there's a confident beginning and an end...that fits so well together. I feel in control of my world just the same. But at the same time, I don't like that there is an end. The night grows long...I DD it away. When the morning comes, my world, it seems, has to end. I hate that.

I long for the closeness of someone SO desparately, that my DDs take over my life and the parts that I'm meant to enjoy. Maybe I should write some notes for my councellor, about what motivates me to make up scenarios about being close with someone. We are talking about what's in my DDs this Thursday. I guess I'm just lonely. What other reason can I tell her? Lonely, and scared out of my mind of entering a REAL relationship.

She is the only person who I've opened up to about this and I feel quite vulnerable. But I really do want to find a way to fill this void in me. Maybe she can help?

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Comment by Jules on March 2, 2012 at 1:57am

Thanks Emily, and Roxanne: I'm glad you can enjoy your husband and your DD's too!

Comment by roxanne on February 27, 2012 at 2:24pm

I DO have a wonderful husband, whom I adore, but still DD a lot of the time.  So for me there isn't a causal connection.  I get different things out of each.  But I certainly don't think that because you DD, you won't find a wonderful mate.   Or that you have to "get over" the one to have the other.  A number of people on here have both.  Don't give up; don't stop looking.  You do have to be realistic & know that they aren't under your control, but that also makes it very exciting on some level.  After having everything your way - well, of course, that really isn't true, either.  But you get my point.

Comment by Emily on February 26, 2012 at 9:44pm

@Jules I've been thinking about the same thing (about meeting up). I daydream about meeting all the people on here because everyone seems so understanding and wonderful! I wish we all could...

Anyway, I've been searching for some new dd ideas; I've grown a little bored of mine right now. So, I've been watching more movies than usual and stuff like that. I agree with what you said about wanting a closeness with someone. That's mostly what all my dds lead back to, having friends and family that know you so well. I applaud you for opening up to your counsellor. Best of luck!

Comment by Jules on February 26, 2012 at 8:01pm

Thanks heaps Aine.

I wonder what would happen if all of us here (on this forum) came together in a room for a chat? I mean in real life. A real room, real people. It would be interesting methinks!

We can do the real relationships, cant we Aine? I really do want that, you know. But it's hard to except the bad bits as well as the good. I'm glad you have a counsellor too. Mine is leaving around easter this year too. So we need to find another good person to support us!!!! Everything is for a season I suppose. All the best, my friend. xo


Comment by Aine on February 26, 2012 at 10:47am

Hi Jules,

I think it's great that you are at least trying to open up to your counselor and share your DD's. I know what you mean about getting bored and uninterested in movies, tv etc. I have been in the same boat lately and do feel anguish as well because I feel that I am wasting time.My DD's about a relationship seem so much better and less scary than having to actually have a REAL relationship.

I am also feeling the same way about relationships, my therapist and I are talking about that and I will have to explore that more during our talks. I haven't told him about those dd's yet and this is all so hard but I am very comfortable with my young therapist. He told me he is leaving soon, so I am a bit anxious, but I know that in the end I might feel better. I too feel vulnerable and alone, I am scared of a Real relationship again, not that I don't feel worthy, I do. But I just don't know how to handle all of this sometimes.

I wish you the best with your therapy. Feel free to message me anytime, my friend. I send you some strength, light and laughter.

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