every once and a while i come back and think about posting here so i was reading my old posts and was kind of surprised at how different i am now

im happier than ever i guess, which is weird because im kind of at a terrible inescapable place in my life and im more mentally ill than ever, but w/e. i was reading about how i hated my mental illnesses and i just.... dont feel that way at all anymore??? ive sort of become part of a community for psychotic ppl + schizophrenia spectrum ppl…

I haven't been on here in a long time and I feel like things have kind of gotten worse for me

When I don't daydream or when I think about too many 'real life' things, I get anxious and irritable. I feel disconnected from myself/the world. I don't feel like any of this is actually happening and I don't know if I believe that I exist/the world exists

I always feel disconnected/depersonalized but if I don't daydream, it's so much worse. Daydreams are simultaneously the only good…

I've never been myself. I've always been whoever was the main character of my DD. I don't think I ever developed a stable personality and now that I'm losing my ability to DD I am constantly having to re-evaluate  who I am. I feel like I lost myself along with my daydreams.  I don't know how to act anymore. I don't know how to dress anymore. I don't know who I am and I hate it. 

I'm going to talk to my psychiatrist about this, but I don't see her for an entire month. I wish I'd never…

I guess this is just a rant.

My doctor put me on Abilify to stop my daydreams or delusions as she calls them. I hate it. My head feels so empty. I can't think at all. I miss my world and I know that I shouldn't want it so bad, but I do.  If I don't have my world, I don't have a life. I don't have real friends. I don't have the freedom to go out and do things like I do in my daydreams. Without my daydreams, my depression has gotten so much worse. I just feel empty.

I can't tell…