Littleschrodinger'scat's Blog (13)

im okay and this is a Pointless post

every once and a while i come back and think about posting here so i was reading my old posts and was kind of surprised at how different i am now

im happier than ever i guess, which is weird because im kind of at a terrible inescapable place in my life and im more mentally ill than ever, but w/e. i was reading about how i hated my mental illnesses and i just.... dont feel that way at all anymore??? ive sort of become part of a community for psychotic ppl + schizophrenia spectrum ppl…

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Added by littleschrodinger'scat on July 19, 2015 at 11:55am — 3 Comments

struggling (unreality tw)

I haven't been on here in a long time and I feel like things have kind of gotten worse for me

When I don't daydream or when I think about too many 'real life' things, I get anxious and irritable. I feel disconnected from myself/the world. I don't feel like any of this is actually happening and I don't know if I believe that I exist/the world exists

I always feel disconnected/depersonalized but if I don't daydream, it's so much worse. Daydreams are simultaneously the only good…

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Added by littleschrodinger'scat on August 16, 2014 at 1:23pm — 1 Comment

I don't know who I am without this.

I've never been myself. I've always been whoever was the main character of my DD. I don't think I ever developed a stable personality and now that I'm losing my ability to DD I am constantly having to re-evaluate  who I am. I feel like I lost myself along with my daydreams.  I don't know how to act anymore. I don't know how to dress anymore. I don't know who I am and I hate it. 

I'm going to talk to my psychiatrist about this, but I don't see her for an entire month. I wish I'd never…

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Added by littleschrodinger'scat on June 22, 2013 at 6:17am — 4 Comments

Can't Daydream

I guess this is just a rant.

My doctor put me on Abilify to stop my daydreams or delusions as she calls them. I hate it. My head feels so empty. I can't think at all. I miss my world and I know that I shouldn't want it so bad, but I do.  If I don't have my world, I don't have a life. I don't have real friends. I don't have the freedom to go out and do things like I do in my daydreams. Without my daydreams, my depression has gotten so much worse. I just feel empty.

I can't tell…

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Added by littleschrodinger'scat on June 12, 2013 at 10:52am — 9 Comments

Being treated

I'm being treated for psychotic symptoms and it's making it so hard to daydream.

I feel like I'm at a fork in the road and I have to decide whether I want to get better or live depressed, but with my daydreams.

It's hard. On one hand, I want to get better. I want to be a musician and have friends and do all sorts of normal things. I don't want to be miserable anymore. I want to be a happy, functioning person.

On the other hand, I can't let go of this. I've built up this…

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Added by littleschrodinger'scat on May 24, 2013 at 3:47pm — 2 Comments

I've been trying not to post here.

I've been diagnosed with something that causes my daydreams so I've been trying to stay away since I don't have MD, but it's really hard because this was the only place where I could talk to people like me. 

It just sucks. I hate my disorder, but it's the only thing that keeps me happy. It makes me so unhappy and prevents me from having meaningful relationships, but it gives me the most amazing imaginary life. I just hate it so much, but I can't let go of it.

Added by littleschrodinger'scat on May 10, 2013 at 12:59pm — 6 Comments

Things never seem to get better.

I know a lot of people on here hate their MD and want to stop DDing, but that isn't something that I'll ever want (not that there is anything wrong with not wanting it). I just feel like I must missing something because I can't want to live in this world like they do. I just don't really feel like this world is worth it. I can't be happy in this world like I can in mine. I can't feel real in this world or present. I can't be happy with other people because I can't connect with them. I feel…

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Added by littleschrodinger'scat on January 5, 2013 at 6:49pm — 2 Comments

Inability to make friends.

No matter how much I talk with someone or am around someone, it feels like there is some sort of invisible wall between us. It feels like I am far away and only vaguely aware. I can’t make friends. I can’t feel what I want to feel for another person. I just have a disconnect with everyone I interact with; whether they be in real life or on the internet. I feel bad because I want to feel something for someone else but I can’t. I want those…

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Added by littleschrodinger'scat on December 18, 2012 at 5:23pm — 7 Comments

I've been really depressed lately.

I just don't  care about anything. I cannot feel alive. I cannot care about the 'real' world or 'real' people. This world feels less real than my own.

I tried to explain it to my therapist. She doesn't understand. She can't see the possibility that it isn't autism (my main diagnosis) related. She thinks when I say that I don't feel 'connected' to people that I mean that I'm not understanding what the other person means or is feeling when I literally mean I feel like I am on a…

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Added by littleschrodinger'scat on October 28, 2012 at 6:13pm — 7 Comments

I sort of accidentally went on hiatus.

I just sort of forgot about  this website. I think after I got my diagnoses I was a bit apprehensive to continue posting because one of the diagnoses accounts for my daydreaming (sort of). I'm back now though. 

Added by littleschrodinger'scat on August 20, 2012 at 6:56pm — 1 Comment

Diagnoses

    A few weeks ago I had a neurological exam. My therapist suggested it because she thought it was possible that I had Obsessive Complusive Disorder or was on the Autism Spectrum. I honestly thought that I wouldn't recieve a diagnosis. Yesterday my mom told me I was diagnosed with Asperger's, O.C.D, Depressive Disorder, and one that she wants to find more about before she tells me (which is very concerning to me).How does someone walk out of a three hour appointment with four…

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Added by littleschrodinger'scat on February 29, 2012 at 11:30am — 6 Comments

I'm so tired of being between worlds.

              I feel like I am in between my daydream world and reality.  I can see everything that goes on in the worlds but I am not there (physically for my daydream world, mentally/emotionally in reality). I just wish that I could become a part of my world. There isn't anything special about reality. I don't feel like part of the world. I feel like everybody is able to make connections with others, but I can't.  In my world there is an honest, true  bond between the characters.…

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Added by littleschrodinger'scat on December 27, 2011 at 6:30pm — 2 Comments

Hello.

Hello, my name is Madalyn. Since I was about 3 years old, I have always been immersed in my world. It has never posed a problem  until about two years ago. I stopped visiting (or even speaking to) any of my friends because I wanted to watch a television show (that I used as my world. I would make up my own episodes in my head). Last year, I would refuse to go to school because it was a constant reminder that my world would never be real (by then I was already making up my own worlds instead…

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Added by littleschrodinger'scat on October 14, 2011 at 1:30pm — 2 Comments

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