im okay and this is a Pointless post

[littleschrodinger'scat]

every once and a while i come back and think about posting here so i was reading my old posts and was kind of surprised at how different i am now

im happier than ever i guess, which is weird because im kind of at a terrible inescapable place in my life and im more mentally ill than ever, but w/e. i was reading about how i hated my mental illnesses and i just.... dont feel that way at all anymore??? ive sort of become part of a community for psychotic ppl + schizophrenia spectrum ppl and its been so nice. i dont hate my illness i feel happy. i am psychotic + delusional and it makes it really hard for me to exist and sometimes im sad because i want friends and to be happy but this is part of me and it brings me a lot of happiness (i feel weird posting this because i know the majority of the people on here do not have psychosis and are gonna be like 'what. how can being delusional make you happy.' its really complicated)

but ive made friends who also have psychosis and other Big issues that i have (like bpd and depersonalization) and i feel like i understand myself. i feel like a real person with a more-than-ever solid identity. i dream about my delusions/daydreams and i feel good when i think of them. ive become a pretty good painter and have a pretty good amount of people who seriously like my art and im going to start selling my paintings soon. idk what the point of this is, i just saw my old posts and im happy with the way ive changed and im happy with my life and who i am and im okay with being mentally ill

[debbie downer]

im glad you're feeling better!!!!

[Roel]

Seems like you have accepted some things :) I hope you stay happy ;)

[Caitlin]

Thanks for posting this. Wishing you the best of luck :))