I've been really depressed lately.

[littleschrodinger'scat]

I just don't  care about anything. I cannot feel alive. I cannot care about the 'real' world or 'real' people. This world feels less real than my own.

I tried to explain it to my therapist. She doesn't understand. She can't see the possibility that it isn't autism (my main diagnosis) related. She thinks when I say that I don't feel 'connected' to people that I mean that I'm not understanding what the other person means or is feeling when I literally mean I feel like I am on a completely different planet and that I feel nothing for this person in the slightest. We have gone nowhere since my diagnoses.

How am I supposed to feel better when I'm screaming and nobody can hear me? Do I even want to feel better? I mean, the way I feel sucks but I don't want to feel more connected with this world. My world is so much better and I want to be there but I can't and that kills me. 

I'm fine when I'm dreaming. It's a bittersweet happiness, but I think I'd prefer it to being without my world and happy. I don't know.  I'm probably just crazy.

[littleschrodinger'scat]

@ ashlee

We used to talk about the site (I never showed her because I was worried she would find my profile) and MD. She was interested and seemed to believe I had it, but once I was diagnosed she started disregarding anything that had to do with MD.

[littleschrodinger'scat]

@ casi

I am totally the same way.

[littleschrodinger'scat]

@ Iha veitall

Do you mean like compulsive or intruding thoughts in your daydream? I don't get thoughts that I don't want in my daydreams (though I purposely think things that cause great deals of emotional pain), but I get those a lot in real life. 

I hope it gets better :( They sound awful.

[littleschrodinger'scat]

@ M Hunter 

I discussed it with her before I received my diagnoses. She was interested and we spoke about it and my daydreams for several months. 

I was diagnosed with Psychotic Disorder NOS and my daydreams are (somehow) considered delusions. My therapist, for whatever reason, likes to ignore that diagnosis entirely so any mention of my daydreams is completely disregarded.

I will try writing my thoughts down. I struggle a lot with communication so that could be helpful. Thank you so much for the advice :)

[Ihaveitall]

I want to know if anyone has experiences DD that are like "torture". Its something in your DD that you don't want to happen and causes you extreme emotional pain. Without trying that part pops into your head and you can't get it to stop. Depression is huge and these feel like "attacks". They can last for weeks. HELP PLEASE!

[taffle]

I couldn't care less about the real world or real people. I can tolerate my daydreams which I limit to a certain time of the day. I try to keep the 2 worlds separate so as not to intermix them.

[ashlee]

Maybe show her this website and show her peoples blog posts and stuff so she sees other people do it too