I'm fifteen and I  lost my  mom, who was my main parent, late last month. It's been an insanely fast-changing last few weeks, with everything as small as my allowance and as big as  my home and family is changing drastically. I've written two small little things about my experiences which I would like to share with you guys. These things are very personal, so you better feel special.

The first thing I'll show you is something I wrote today in my Creative Writing class. It was a…

I think I could quit this whole daydreaming thing.  I've quit it before.  Well, sort of.  I had one foot in the wagon and one off, and performed awkward jumping jacks in that position.   



But I'm scared.  



There are three poles in my existence, and I pinball from one to the other: anxiety, depression, and daydreams. Anxiety scares me out of the daydreams.  Sometimes the anxiety feels like a savior, because it feels good to care about other people. 



But right…

Wednesday morning I had another Nissen Fundoplication (stomach wrapped around my esophagus) to correct GERD (AKA Acid Reflux Disease).  I appreciate all the support and well-wishes.  I'm told it went well.  I had another reaction to the anesthetic.  It was nothing dangerous, but I just felt horribly itchy all over and had to be given medicine for that.  I had the same reaction to the pain med, but at least I remembered to take down the name of it, so if I need pain management again I can…

I haven't been on here in a long time and I feel like things have kind of gotten worse for me

When I don't daydream or when I think about too many 'real life' things, I get anxious and irritable. I feel disconnected from myself/the world. I don't feel like any of this is actually happening and I don't know if I believe that I exist/the world exists

I always feel disconnected/depersonalized but if I don't daydream, it's so much worse. Daydreams are simultaneously the only good…

[Hey.  New here.  Below, is a vent.  Thanks for reading my vent.]



I want to stop living in my head, I told my friend, even if that means having to cut out music, television, and whatever else triggers these fictional worlds.  My friend encouraged me.  



With things inside my head less interesting, I'd be forced to make my real-life more interesting, I reasoned.  I decided to try getting involved in activities that my fictional characters became involved in.  One…

Last night, i dreamt of wildminds. In my dreams, wm was a place, based in cordellia's house (which was very small in my dream) i stayed a few nights, grendel and mia were mild mannered jaguars. Another member came by, saw me, and told me that, despite my age, she would treat me the same as if i were older than her. I am only 15.

I am not very active here. My bad! Like most dreamers, i am happy with a small circle of friends, and see no need to return to the horde after i can contact them elsewhere. I then develop a strong bond with said people on facebook, skype, etc., wather than here. I will not mention the member's names unless they so choose to tak  credit via a comment, but my inner circle of friends all know the names and details. I, along with my friends, have had a horrible past couple of weeks. Sexual…

I haven't posted anything for a while, today I tried to post a reply and it says my message will have to be approved. Does inactivity put you on probation?

Im 15 and I've had maladaptive daydreaming for as long as I can remember. I was a happy child and it never bothered me how much I daydreamed. Throughout middle school it was my way of coping if something went wrong. It was how I dealt with boredom and through it I could think out new situations to deal with my current problems. Recently (5-6 months) I've been having symptoms of depression and my maladaptive daydreaming became less and less and now its just gone. I am so lost. My head feels…

Remember the surgery I had almost a year ago and almost died from complications of?  I'm having it again on Wednesday.

I'm sure those complications are rare.  I hope it goes well.

Anyway, I'll be away from the site for a couple of days.  If anyone needs anything, message me, and I'll respond when I get back.

I'm not entirely sure if I'm the only one, but does having MMD make you indecisive about certain things in your life?

Recently, I've been having second thoughts about what I want to do with my life. I am going to be starting my Sophomore year in college in a week, and I' am happy about my current majors, but I'm entirely confused on what direction to take while studying my majors (I'm a double major).

For as long as I could remember I've had this one daydream, that has…

In 2009, before I even started this site, I agreed to live completely openly about my Maladaptive Daydreaming.  It was scary at first, but it's actually been very cathartic.  I've told friends, doctors, professors, and anyone else who would listen.  Almost everyone was completely fine with it.  They didn't all understand, but most of them were open and at least tried.  Some could relate immediately.

Recently one of my old classmates started a Facebook group just for people who…

In the past couple of weeks I have been seeing a doctor for major depression, anxiety - especially social anxiety disorder. I also fit the profile of someone with an avoidant personality. When i was discussing my symptoms to the doctor I described my excessive compulsion to fantasize, how i pace, and how i can't focus sometimes because my urge to daydream is so powerful. My doctor didn't seem as interested in Maladaptive Daydreaming but assumed it was an aspect of being socially avoidant. I…

A day or two ago, I made a blog post about my mom's illness and how we didn't think she'd make it. Here's the update.

Yesterday, they decided to take her off life support at 4pm. I went up to the hospital before they took her off life support and hung with family and went in to see her one last time. They took her off life support at 4pm, and she died at around 10pm. 

It's now official that I'm staying with my mom's best friend, Brooklyne, and her  family. My oldest brother,…

I have looked up this disorder on psychology forums and web pages and most say that the cause of MDD has to do with childhood trauma/conflict. My childhood was very happy and I have never been abused but still excessively daydream. I was just wondering if a lot of people on this site do daydream from really negative experiences as a coping method or is it just random/ just how you are?  I am curious because i feel like disorders are ALWAYS said to be caused by past trauma or abuse (but what…

I'm trying to decided what I want to major in for college but my DD has been blocking my train of thought. This is my first year of college and I know a lot of people don't know what they want to do when they first enter college but I'm really scared I'm never going to figure it out. I'm really scared that my DD is going to get in the way of that. I just want to do something that I love and be happy but I'm not sure how to figure that out. I've talked to my friend about this and she says…

NOTE: This post is long, but if you still want to know what's happening without reading the whole thing, look down until you see a list and you can get a quick, general idea of what is happening. 

I'm Rachel, in case you haven't spoken to me yet. I'm fifteen right now and live in the USA, Missouri particularly. A lot of things are going on in my life right now, and this is to tell what's happening, because it's the most life-changing thing I have ever had to experience. 

I'm…

Am I here?

I'm tired of being in vault,

No this isn't societies fault,

Myself is my biggest enemy,

This is just how it is going to be,

There is no other way,

Life is a game; Cards are folded i don't want to play,

Been down in the slums,

My life has no meaning, yah it's dumb,

Is it to much to ask to be loved,

Maybe my imagination is in the air above,

When you look at me what do you see?

Is that a question I…

Dear Maladoptive Daydreamers, friends, people from all over the world that understand me so well!

I'm really curious why I feel shame when I think about telling My Biggest Secret? It's an important part of my life, I would like to tell it to some closest friends. I don't know why really, I just fell so well with my characters and stories, I'm very happy to have it. I also think about searching for people with MD in my country...

But everytime that I think about it, I…