I’m trying to remember if there was ever a moment in my life where I wasn’t completely paralyzed by the fear that my whole world was about to come crashing down on me. It’s so bad. I start the day by fearing all I have to do & knowing I’ll never catch up. I fear the phone. I check my email, afraid of what may be inside. I’m afraid that someone’s going to email me angry, judging me for my attitude, telling me they won’t help me. I fear the phone because I know it’s bill…

I've been grouchy all week, and I haven't wanted to talk about it. Here's the thing: I went to a sweat lodge for the first time last weekend. I thought it would be relaxing, but it was actually very intense. I enjoyed it at the time, but I realized afterward that my lust for the intense fantasies was triggered. My MD has always been very physical. I don't just pace; I run back and forth and jump in the air, often bouncing off of a wall when I do it. So I think the physical intensity…

Im new here, as of today. I am also a member of the Yahoo! MD group, but have recently become quite frustrated with it. It annoys me that whilst everyone on the group is happy to talk openly about their MD experience, nobody wants to discuss making the "disorder" more public. I honestly believe that its the only way us lot can be helped, for MD to be thrust into the view of the medical profession. I guess I just personally feel at a dead end. There is no escape from my MD addiction and it…

It seems like everyone else here knows when it started. I have no recollection of a time before this or when the first time would have been.

Unlike many of the other stories I've read, I am not a part of this elaborate, persistant, addictive daydream world. I don't exist in this world in any remote way. It's just a place I create and watch voyeristically with intermittent severity.

This place isn't better than the one I live in. The people who…

I'm Michael Gibson (some of my friends call me "Sparky), I live in Albany Oregon and am 53 yrs old. I've had strong sensory independant imagitive abilities sense childhood, but did not find my daydreams becoming addictive until the late '80's. I've always known that I could not be the only one, but did not find this site until today and I just have to say ... Thank god!

Thank all of you for just being you .. and thanks especially to Cordellia for starting this group. (Chalk one up for…

So lately I've been reading a while lot more. Both books and fanfiction, but the one thing that annoys me the most is that literally after every sentence I have to stop for a few minutes and daydream. If I try to stop myself from daydreaming while reading I seriously become so exhausted!

And it kind of sucks I admit because before I could easily breeze through reading something but now, it takes hours and hours. *sigh*

I'm not gonna lie though, but it gives me a lot of…

Yesterday, I told my mom about this forum. I said "You remember when I used to run around in circles to music when I was a kid?" and she said "You still do that?" I can see how my behavior sounds strange for a 43-year-old. I said "not for three months." The truth is it's been more like 2.5 months, but I thought three sounded better. I don't feel embarrassed about my MD when I talk to new people, but talking to my mom was tough. She got serious and quiet for half a second, which she never…

Exam tomorrow. Prof assigned 178 extra credit problems. Has taken so long to get through less than half of them. Focusing & working in 20 second spurts makes

it so hard to get things done. Been at

this for like 3 days. At this point my

head feels strange & I still have 2 hard sections to get through, but I

just can’t make myself do it. It’s not

even that they’re hard. They just

require a lot of work & my body just aches & wants…