How can you not see

How can you not understand

Stop being selfish 

When I try so hard

To always be there for you

Stop being selfish

You do as you please

You view life through a mirror

Stop being selfish

Sometimes I…

Everyone else seem to say things like, "I always wondered whether I was the only one who did this" and "I thought this was normal when I was younger but now I see it's not" and stuff.

The thing is, I never thought about it, I just did it. I never wondered if it was normal, if anyone else did it, if maybe it was a mental disorder or whatever, I just daydreamed. Is there even one other person who never wondered that stuff here, o am I the only one?

(P.s. I heard…

          ive heard of drawing you characters but everytime ive tried i felt really uncomfortable drawing them for some reason. i can get them to look the way i want to so i hate the drawing. i have them all in my drawer and im hoping one day my mom isnt like "lol whos this" because that would be awkward.



           but in art we got an assigment to make a sculpture of a person out of clay, and then were going to paint them and stuff, and i was excited because im going to make one…

I realize how easily I can day dream and how often I do it. It sucks sometimes when I daze out on tests (like my oh so important Taks today). I try not to dd but before I know it I do. I need to start having some self control I feel bad because when I am in the car and have my headphones people want to talk to me but I rather dd. I also want to gt rid of this before it causes bigger problems. I just wonder how to stop when I have no self control. Hopefully I wont daze out on my math.

I caved yesterday. And while I am disappointed in myself I also think the period of time without the DDs was a good learning experience. I learned that I could actually quit (if even for a short period of time) and I've learned a lot about my triggers. 

I've given up on quitting (although I am going to make more of an effort not to do it as much, or at least not while other people are around) and here are my reasons (or excuses. Depends on how you wanna look at it).

While it is…

This is gonna be a tough couple days. I have the next three days off so I'll be home alone. Its gonna make things difficult. Actually tuesday most of the day I'll be working at my second job but today and tomorrow anyway will be hard. So here's my game plan:

First of all I've found that when I occupy myself with other things I tend not to DD. So I'm writing myself out a specific schedule, as detailed as I can make it, and make sure that every second of my time is accounted for so I…

Right now I feel like I just want to curl up in my bed and be forgotten. To much is expected of me. To much is expected of what I do. 

Why do I have to goto to college? To get a better job? Why would I want one? To get a better lifestyle? Why should I want that? Why do I have to goto college just to have a better lifestyle?

I just do not understand why I have to be so mainstream. I do not want to fight to be non-mainstream. I just want to curl up in someones…

So it has now been 3 full days with no DDs. I'm proud but at the same time my confidence is starting to waver. I had the day off today and was alone most of the day in the house so it was a hard day. But I made it through.

A lot of times when I start to quit (this time included) I find myself almost arguing with myself over whether I should start up again. Its kind of like the whole devil/angel on the shoulders thing. The "devil" (not the actual devil. I'm not having satanic…

i have completely made up some of my characters, but others are based on real-life people.

most characters that i have are based on several real-life people. their appearance might be based on one person, while their personality is based on of two or three different people, and how they dress is based on another person, too. i don't have any characters that are exact copies of people in real life. even the characters that are only based on one person, i make some changes to.

i…

So yesterday as I was taking my dog for a walk in the morning I realized something. This would normally be a time I was in full DD mode because I was alone and the dog isn’t gonna judge me if I’m whispering to myself (I live in a very rural area so there aren’t very many people around), and when I’m in that state of mind I’m usually looking at the ground or just kind of spaced out and in my own head. I never realized until yesterday how much it really keeps me from seeing the world. I mean…

This will be long, sorry! If you read all of it, you are truly a patient soul!

I'm not sure if any of you know the Allegory of the Cave, so for those who don't I will briefly explain. The long dead philosopher Plato had a description of a cave. Inside this cave there was a person sitting, facing the cave wall, with their hands tied behind their back so they couldn't move. Behind this person was the cave exit where the light came in.…

Wow. I just joined this network yesterday, after months of trying to ignore a serious part of my life. For years now, I've thought I was crazy, but that's obviously not the case, luckily (though in some ways... lol).

I just wanted to thank all the great people who have created resources for myself and others to learn from and take comfort in!

<3

-L

Its been a little over 43 hours and I still haven’t had a DD. I’m very proud of myself. It actually hasn’t been as hard as I thought but I have had a couple times where I really wanted to. Actively trying not to is really helping to show me where my triggers are, when I usually do it, and where I am when I usually do it. Its surprising me a little. 

One big place I always knew I did it a lot was in the car. Partly because I am totally alone and I don’t care if people see me talking to…

In my anger

I broke my "happy" face

Now

so deep in sadness

I’m not sure if I can…