Sigh, in a way I have changed and gotten worst. Since Friday, dding has even hard. I still dd for like 5 mins at the most but when I try to dd at all I get freaked out if I dd for more than 3 mins at…

[Jenna]

Sigh, in a way I have changed and gotten worst. Since Friday, dding has even hard. I still dd for like 5 mins at the most but when I try to dd at all I get freaked out if I dd for more than 3 mins at a time. It is like I feel like I having to have a panic attack. About my crush, I have no clue anymore. I already have some mood swings, due to my thyroid or whatever the heck is wrong with me, however it is like I have moods wings over my crush too. Sounds weird but it is like I feel all happy and nervous around him, then I am sad and embarassed about likening him and then I am neutral. I really do not know anymore. Another thing I have developed is a fear of bathrooms. Bathrooms make me all anxious an panicky a little. I mean I manage but I am having a head time just walking in a bathroom lately. It is weird and horrible. Also hmm I am having strange urges to cry my head off but I can not cry no matter how hard I try. I feel ao alienated from my surroundings and I feel like The beta blockers are the only thing that contains my emotions. Hmm my memory has gotten worst too and time passes by me so fast, I can hardly recall the things we did because it is all a blur. Hmm I just do not know. I am fretting worst but better in a way. I do not know why, the only thing I can come up with so far is my thyroid. I know some will say go to a doctor and stop whining but it is not that easy. See my parents will not take me because they still believe it is the thyroid. I also have the self gram thoughts still so it is getting better and the cussing out myself is better. I am getting better some but getting worst in other ways. Sigh, I do not understand myself.

[Raz]

So much going on in ur life Jenna that is even difficult to answer to this one!

I hope u feel better, i don't know how thyroid problems feels like or beta blockers and i wish i could help you more with that.

About not knowing what to feel towards ur crush: that's normal, Jenna. Just do what is comfortable for you, what u feel ok about. Don't try to "label" what you feel. You feel already too much stuff to be worried whether you love or do not love someone else. Just wait and see how it plays out instead of trying to "control" it and understand it. Your going through an emotional roller coaster about everything else i guess it's normal to be this way about your crush too. 

If you watch something really really sad would you cry? Because to me sometimes it works like this: i have an urge to cry and can't do it no matter what and then later when a movie scene turns out sad or a song or something i can cry and it's ironic in a way cause it's non-stop crying. So don't be scared when it happens. Hope you get better! 

[Jenna]

Thanks, and well my beta blockers take away the panic attacks and pretty much any of my emotions -.-. I just gett all anxious and panicky on the inside, does that make sense?

[otakugirl]

fast*

[otakugirl]

The feeling you feel for your crush is normal. I am the same way its normal to get embrassed or shy because thats the way love is. When I was your age I was the exact same way I would get very bad panic attacks and feel super dizzy. I would freak out and breath fash and would want to cry. I would calm myself down breath slowly and say "Im okay. God loves me." and then after a while it stoped. Try not to stress to much because that is what caused mine I would think so much about it and would make myself sick. Just try not to think about it and do what makes you confortable. My house was very loud and that would give me attacks so I would go to my room or go outside and relax with a snack and drink and give myself personal time. I hope your attacks go away.

 

 

[Jenna]

Well the self-harm thoughts mostly.

[Jenna]

*Harm