The simplest way to describe me is as a helix of contradictions.

I understand people, both on an intellectual, anthropology-and-psychology-research level, and an emotional, empathetic level, and, yet, I find myself intimidated by and unable to connect to most people;

I see things that others do not see, and I am not simply referring to the beautiful dreamworld that I constantly inhabit; random specks of light will flash across my vision, which is already marked by what is known…

So life was doing great, I've made a ton of friends, marching band is awesome, school isn't that bad, stuff like that. In fact my MD was nonexistent till today...

See I've just learned two of my close friends are self harming and suicidal....so now all I can do is let my mind wander around till I can see or talk to them. 

Please say a little prayer or whatever for them....because I'm scared they will go through with it.

"Psycho-motor Agitation. Does this sound familiar to anybody?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychomotor_agitation"

I really hate this part.

The burn out phase. I am burning out of the current DD for now. It comes in cycles. I won't let it go. And I don't feel like going to a standby and haven't been inspired by anything new. I usually hang on to the current DD's for at least a year or so. Sometimes a break of an old standby for a night or two. But I go right back to the current after that.

But this is when I go a few weeks sometimes with barely DDing. I will have a comfort scene I…

How often do your daydreams change? I had one I played over and over for months, and then I had bursts of activity where I created new ones in my mind, and then I would switch and go back to the old one for awhile. Now my mind is back on creating new ones. With every new daydream, it's a complete story, from the beginning to the end. If I had any discipline about me, I could write some wonderful novels.

Some of my daydreams are just silly ( I think), but then again, I think they would…

Every morning, when I finally resurface from my messed up dreamworld, I enter another imaginary land of monsters, wizards, dragons and gods. 

I need that lazy hour for myself, just listening some repetitive music and daydreaming about everything forbidden.

This might be a good thing, because who wouldn't want to become a part of an epic story instead of the boring, grey and average consumer life? But sometimes, I need to focus on other things, reality, and I just…

These are two follow up thoughts I had from the reading of the same blog/quote at two different times:

WONDERINGS

From the blog diaryofadaydreamaddict:

I Have A Commitment Phobia.....In My Relationship With MD

The dialogues, images, the social behaviors and scenarios become a net of comfort regardless of my external situation. It's not a…

Hi All

I've been reading a lot on the effects of childhood trauma disassociation and connection. I have a reading list related to these issues and have sifted through the internet but was unable to find downloadable pdf/ epub version of these books. (Yes I'm the type who tries not to buy ebooks if I can get them for free). Was wondering if anyone had access to the following:

1) Born for Love: Why Empathy is Essential and…

I just joined the site.  This is my first time joining any site like this.  I only recently discovered the concept of maladaptive daydreaming, although I have searched for some time for some kind of explanation for whatever it is that my mind does.  I have wondered off and on for a long time if there was something wrong with me mentally, but like they say "crazy people don't think they're crazy" and I have at times thought I was crazy.

I have been daydreaming, as this site…

Im torn between being optimistic, and being realistic. Its so lonley, that there isnt a single person in my life that knows how traped i feel from this addiction. Im also torn from taking responsibilty, and feeling guilty, for what i am, and what i have let my life become. Where is there to turn to for help? How can i conquer this addciton on my own? As soon as some parts of my life start to turn around, i find myself being pulled back into my old ways. Which is the furthest thing from…

To anyone's knowledge has there ever been a convention of MDD? Just imagine it...if there hasn't and there was. I really think if there was I would do my best to attend. Even if I drag my family with me.

It has been a surreal experience for me to find this site. To blog about it the way I have already. Every time I read a blog post by someone here and reply it feels out of body.

I just cannot stop repeating that I'm in my 30s. I know I say this over and over already but…

do you ever just daydream so much in one day, that you cant do it anymroe and your head feels weird and youre trying to daydream but its difficult??? sometimes my head hurts or my jaw hurts if i daydream too much (is that weird?) im having the feeling right now. 

just some thoughts

i havent been on here in a long time. theres a lot more members since the last time i checked lol! Im in college now and have to go to class in 2 minutes so I just wanted to say...hi c;



I have been trying trying to see md as a hobby, is that weird? idk im like, writing little things down that are important about it, im trying make more like...an activity? idk, to do after im done homework...so i dont fail. cause in high school it distracted me alot and i didnt do so well. i still…

Well, sorta.

As like with most of us MDD began as early as we can even remember. But I think in all I've read on this site by others I can come to the conclusion that many of us had a point in time when we really say the MDD "took off" ...meaning - we were no longer little children where this is "normal" and we realize that maybe there is something different about us. AND that it starts to change our life as well.

For many I have noticed it was Middle School years. It…

I have had MD as long as I can remember and it feels like when I grow a little older then my minds gets slower. Is it just me. A few years ago my mother told me that I had selective memory which means that I listen and remember the things I want then tune everything else out. maybe because she has to tell me things more than 3 times to get me to listen. I think it's so true but I'm not sure. I mean…

Here ye, hear ye. I just thought of a random idea. My idea was to write a tell-all book about my MDD experiences. Maybe i'll inspire someone to actually speak up and be bold and frank with their therapist or psychologist. I'd like to let my experiences be known so that if your therapists look at you funny you can write down a link and send him/her my e-book and say ''You think my story is crazy? Wait till…