TWO THOUGHTS.ONE BLOG.

[S K]

These are two follow up thoughts I had from the reading of the same blog/quote at two different times:

WONDERINGS

From the blog diaryofadaydreamaddict:

I Have A Commitment Phobia.....In My Relationship With MD

The dialogues, images, the social behaviors and scenarios become a net of comfort regardless of my external situation. It's not a good comfort, just because something is comfortable isn't a good reason to stay that way. Everyone gets comfortable with their lot, but they can still be unhappy with it and become stuck with how to change.

I have wondered about this myself, that I often used MD to get comfortable in social spaces. When it went from a need to cure boredom that was controllable to an uncontrollable need, I did not realize.

 It was only when recently I realized if I didn’t have my imagination I would not have been able to get through life. I still need it but making time for it or getting lost in it is not the solution to real world problems.

 I wonder if having an immediate go-to addiction is good or bad.  My instinctive need to flee is reinforced when I have an immediate solution.

 I wonder if my social fear is a function of having an alternate world or the alternate world is a function of social fear, loner-like personality.

I wonder if hormones and puberty and the microscopic cyst in my brain play a role.

I wonder if genetics and my dad’s habit of rehearsing before talking/lecturing/yelling play a role.

I know my parents’ parenting, the mixed messages and the trapped childhood played a role. I sometimes wish I didn’t know. It’s horrible to know you were made dysfunctional by circumstances you couldn’t control. Makes you feel vulnerable and makes it hard to take responsibility when you’re not sure if you are.

AND

COMFORT

From the blog diaryofadaydreamaddict:

I Have A Commitment Phobia.....In My Relationship With MD

The dialogues, images, the social behaviours and scenarios become a net of comfort regardless of my external situation. It's not a good comfort, just because something is comfortable isn't a good reason to stay that way. Everyone gets comfortable with their lot, but they can still be unhappy with it and become stuck with how to change.

So True. It comforts me immensely. It is my source of comfort when I have no one to talk to, nothing to do, bored by life, nowhere to go, stressed by the daily issues of life, stressed by the big decisions of life, resentful about the past and present, depressed about lost opportunities, panicked about my-very-real lack of a future and realizations that if I had made a little decision here or there my life would have turned out very differently, that the excuse I have been giving myself that we learn from every experience was just that, an excuse to not face the world or the cold hard facts because if I had faced them instead of developing now-dysfunctional coping mechanisms, I would not be able to go on.

 I am not ready, I don’t think I ever will be to let go of the only thing/people/person (myself) who has been with me through thick and thin. The only witness, of sorts, to the journey my life has taken, the only person who witnessed the struggles or even knew what the struggles were, which is both a crutch and a support system, a go-to friend and guide whose moods miraculously changed with my own. I think in my life course, even as I look back I could never have had a consistent friend because of life circumstances and my decisions and consequences involved that involved a wide variety of factors often from different worlds. It was and still seems to me the only logical constant.

[S K]

Sorry.The blog name is diaryofadaydreamaddict.

[S K]

No. Unfortunately I can't write as well as the author of the italics.As mentioned it's from the blog myobviouslittlesecret . She writes about her struggles.You could do a google search for the entire blogpost.

[Aquarius]

This is some powerful writing, very insightful too. Is this from your own blog?