The Depressed Cake Shop Experiment

 The title links to a Google search of an experiment undertaken by a bakery in   to raise awareness about depression. It soon spread to bake shops in the UK, Malaysia and even to one bakeshop in Bangalore. It aims to raise the taboo and silence…

Disclaimer: I typed these onto a word document due to my lack of internet access, almost compulsively in an extremely emotional state as I wanted to get it all out.It thus may not make complete sense-(correction) it makes  sense but is disjointed like a couple of topics have been coalesced(cut-copy-paste) to form an article.

When I am stressed, really panicking, I realize my real mind shuts down and I start going uncontrollably into my MD world where I am…

Disclaimer: I posted this in the Box on 'My page'. Its an old post I had done 2 months ago. Now I am merely re-posting it to create space on my page and since its really old and not really urgent anymore.

I couldn't figure out what this section was for.So I'm going to post mini-thoughts.

My mom just landed. This is NOT going to be pretty.She's at the landlady's. For the past 2 days I've been feeling nothing. Sort of stunned,like a zombie. Now I…

I procrastinate and procrastinate and procrastinate. I have procrastinated my treatment, my action, my decisions and now things have come to a head. My parents want an answer by tomorrow. My landlady told me on Friday she’s kicking me out (I am paying rent on time- but she doesn’t like me, I don’t do the social niceties the other girls tend to do). My mind is a flurry of memories and emotions, most of which I can’t control. This has prevented me from acting on decisions and taking-charge of…

            I am not very good at expressing myself so as usual I found something which reflects my feelings better than me:

From a blog on mental health (specifically schizophrenia and emotional health):

We all get bothered, flustered, disillusioned, or disappointed from time to time (in varying degrees), and it would be dishonest of me to pretend I’m any different. If you can express yourself in a constructive way that doesn’t hurt anyone mentally,…

I have become so indecisive and insecure. I can’t decide where to go , whether to go, when to go, what to order, what TV program to watch, what bag to carry, where to go 1^st if I go to get food. I am totally confused. I am also the hardest on myself. Almost demeaning myself when there is no one else to do it. Scolding myself for being indecisive, for being fat, for taking the wrong decisions, for being…

“Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”

I forgive myself. Or will try to. I deserve to be happy. I want to. I just don’t know how.

I always took my ability to write for granted. I didn’t realize being two years away from studying any subject that allowed me to exercise that ability I would lose my (according to me) flair to express myself/have an edge irrespective of what I was doing/have at least according to my imagination “to my hukum ka ikka” (ace in hole) .That edge whether imaginary or real served me well. Maybe it was an ability to respond to given material that training in the school system provided, not a…

“Be a better person. You can’t keep your personality out of the work. It’s impossible…. If you’re rigid or you’re distorting reality, it goes into the guitar. And when you play it, it comes back out. It’s disturbing. I used to believe that but I never had any proof of it. But I’ve played enough handmade guitars and then later met the maker. Sure enough, it’s inseparable….”

So true ... I have tried to keep the two separate, pushing me a point of…

These are two follow up thoughts I had from the reading of the same blog/quote at two different times:

WONDERINGS

From the blog diaryofadaydreamaddict:

I Have A Commitment Phobia.....In My Relationship With MD

The dialogues, images, the social behaviors and scenarios become a net of comfort regardless of my external situation. It's not a…

18 VIEWS!! @ 1^st post. Cool. People read and understood and commented. Thank You.

So I thought I would post as soon as I uploaded my basic information. But procrastination and a host of other factors got in the way. I realized that I can’t write on the spot in the cyber café. I have to write beforehand. That is because I discovered in the tiny cubicle of the…

So I came across the idea of MD in an article on Yahoo by Penny White. After Googling it reading half a dozen articles and checking the symptoms I’m pretty sure I have it. I’m not too good at writing online or typing things up in general. I went to the cyber café twice but deflected from doing anything. I don’t have access to the net on my laptop which I just started using so I am not able to type online but it forces me to start typing so it was a boon in guise I guess.

I realized I…