A re-post -RAMBLING

[S K]

Disclaimer: I posted this in the Box on 'My page'. Its an old post I had done 2 months ago. Now I am merely re-posting it to create space on my page and since its really old and not really urgent anymore.

I couldn't figure out what this section was for.So I'm going to post mini-thoughts.

My mom just landed. This is NOT going to be pretty.She's at the landlady's. For the past 2 days I've been feeling nothing. Sort of stunned,like a zombie. Now I know why. My mind, over years of sudden events has developed a sort-of sixth sense for these things/events and it goes into shut down mode.It's happened earlier but it's happening after a while so I couldn't recognize it.  At first I thought it was inactivity, procrastination, food habits and late  nights. But as  soon as my room mate told me, it all just came together. This is better than anticipating it. Sometimes I anticipate it and the realization that I am powerless to stop it makes it worse. It also doesn't allow me to MD. I go into depressive mode. But this time it was unanticipated so my mind was going on full MD force for the past two days-sort of like mentally-bandaging me for the hit and fall that is to come.I half feel like taking the bus and getting the hell away but that would just make things worse.She told my room mate not to tell me she was here-so it would be feeding into her view about me and breaking their acceptable idea of an in-time for me would get me dragged back home.I wish fear wasn't  the dominant emotion in my life.