Conventions

[Stormy]

To anyone's knowledge has there ever been a convention of MDD? Just imagine it...if there hasn't and there was. I really think if there was I would do my best to attend. Even if I drag my family with me.

It has been a surreal experience for me to find this site. To blog about it the way I have already. Every time I read a blog post by someone here and reply it feels out of body.

I just cannot stop repeating that I'm in my 30s. I know I say this over and over already but I mean that is a LONG time to have had this and never know that I wasn't alone. That this is a disorder that many people have. Recognized or not officially - this population of people here is enough to give me the greatest sense of belonging I have ever felt.

I actually told my husband finally about my DD's. But I didn't give him the full skinny on it. I told him that I have a disorder - lifelong - where I day dream obsessively. That I have gone all my life trying to be a "writer" but I don't write! I mean I did write stories about my DD's in High School (and a little bit in Middle) and some in college and even the last few years here and there. But I never finished anything and I would usually abandon it because I couldn't stay motivated or focused enough and it didn't do anything for me.

He insisted I have an active imagination and that I could very well be a writer from it. But I had to explain that there isn't anything gratifying about writing it down. It's frustrating. I can't put my thoughts onto paper fast enough. He suggested using a voice recorder to make notes in voice but I again explained it still leaves me with a racing mind that my hands or my fingers on a keyboard cannot keep up with.

I told him that basically, it was better in my head and that is where it was remaining. That I had to finally come to grips with the discovery of this site that this is what it is (I knew immediately) and I can let the writer thing go.

You see I clung to it. "I'm going to be a writer! I have a writers mind! THAT is where it comes from and WHY all this is happening in my head." Because it was something to explain it. And I think that is why for all these years I haven't dwelled on this facet of myself.

Why did I suddenly just google it after all this time? Because I realized that for the first time in all my life it's affecting my life negatively. I am going through a very active period of it and I have little ones to care for! Oh, their welfare isn't at risk at all. It's not at that point that it's dangerous. But emotionally - I'm kind of absent lately and I think they are picking up on it. I'm clinging to these moments that I can DD and I have little tolerance to focus on their play worlds. They are at the age they want momma to play with them and I just want to be in MY world. And that makes me feel TERRIBLE.

Of course I only have come to that realization today - that that was WHY I sought others out and why I suddenly took this interest in defining what it is I have.

I have DD'd so much lately that I'm almost in a burn out. Which is really good in some ways. I am not as desperate feeling about it. But I am in a bad mood.

We'll see how it goes.

It sure would be neat to go to a convention one day. Maybe not tomorrow or anything but perhaps a year into the future.

[Star]

Wow, I'm new here and this is my first post.  I'm also in my 30s and have two young children to care for and I have felt the way you describe so many times.  Right now I feel a little more in control and I have had a pretty productive week but I think that may be because I found this site and information on what I am and that there are others like me.The writer dream you describe is also very similar to how I have felt for so long.  I'm a good writer and I have a creative mind but I have never been able to write fiction successfully.  I'm very good at non-fiction so, with my mind, I always assumed I should write fiction but it has never worked for me.I'm getting closer to telling my husband.  It still terrifies me but, if there is anyone who will understand, it's him.  He gets how complicated the human brain is and suffers from anxiety himself.  I think it's more embarrassment that's keeping me from telling him than anything else. It would, however, help him understand why I'm always so distracted and often fail to get things done.

[Iris]

For me the same, I was 47 when I found this site, I am 48 now.

I thought I was the only one in the world, I even considered going to a psychologist, but I didn't - I thought it is too strange what I have - never heard of it ever before.

[Liz Winning]

I know what you mean, how you felt you were alone before you suddenly realised that there are tonnes of us who experience the same thing. i can remember when i first realized it was an actual disorder, it felt strange to know that it wasn't just me, strange in a very good way!