Thank you for going into detail more about your experience. If nothing else, it makes me breathe a sigh of relief in how normal it actually is. Of course, I know it's not a foreign concept for many people to have validation issues. But many of those people I do not picture to have this sort of loyalty issue. Blinding loyalty is a good term for it haha. I can think back to several times where I've had this sort of like unnecessarily high affection/loyalty toward someone who complimented me or went out of their way to give me attention or make me feel good.

You're right about it being a struggle sometimes, and a confusing one at that, to figure out what to do in some instances. Often, you're caught not reacting at all because you don't know what to say or do that would be appropriate, so you opt for nothing because it feels safest. It's like how I said some people have asked me if I was mad at them because I stopped responding to them normally, but only because I admired them so much and didn't want to seem overly eager or overly affectionate toward them. 

So yes, it's a battle, but we just have to take a step back and look at from reality's lens. That is, admittedly, a lot harder than it sounds. I find myself even getting jealous when my manager is giving a special attention or joking around with another co-worker of mine. But realistically, I know that he likes us all and he has our backs. We're a team. So him giving another person "attention" doesn't take away from anything he would do for me as his employee. 

Hi Faye, I just wanted to personally send you a comment in response to your comment on my blog. First, you are very well-spoken and articulate, and I really appreciated your comment, even moreso since you were able to express it so perfectly in writing.

What you said about the filtering of realty and fantasy is something I'm struggling to do with this validation and approval I receive. What IS the appropriate return, I often ask myself. In an attempt to not become blindingly loyal, I find myself almost withdrawing or emotionally shutting down so that I don't seem too desperate or eager (such things were never rewarded in me as a child, anyway). I've even had past authority figures or people who gave me that validation ask if I was mad at them or if I was okay, I guess because I stopped responding appropriately or acting the way I normally would. I do have a bad tendency to become unnecessarily and overly attached to someone who gives me approval.

It's hard for me to see the line between what is appropriate and what is not. I find myself watching my co-workers at my current job to see how they interact with that same manager. I will allow myself to over-analyze his comments and dwell on things internally that made me happy, but I try to look at it from a different perspective on the outside. As in, I may feel a certain way inside about what happened, but externally, I try to give the "appropriate" reaction, like you were talking about. At least, I'm trying to do that and not let what's inside affect what's outside. Although, you said you tend to come off as seeming intimidating or domineering. I'm sure that makes things difficult. But it's sometimes easier to have that reputation or first impression on people than someone thinking you're some  idiotic, naive, child-like person who craves attention and validation.