"One day I will ask you, what you think about me" has broken my 2 months of DD abstinence. I've spent a week in rumination trance, observations and talking my thoughts. The good thing is that I learnt zero DD at work. The bad thing is limiting my sleep to have time for rumination. The worst thing is that I got emotional, really emotional, crying for no reason and almost having nervous breakdown. And now I'm back, ready to stop again and ready to take responsibility for what's…

I swear, I haven't been day-dreaming for almost 2 months. Some little dreams here and there, this is normal, but definitely I'm no longer having drop outs for hours or days. The achiever: I said it, I did it. But I'm still here, writing my blogs, getting rid from demons from the past, definitely attributed to my day-dreaming. Well, I don't know, maybe, if I said it publicly, it will go. Like Roger Water became a happier person after writing very personal The Wall. Maybe. So, up close and…

Just ask yourself, would you really be any happier, if your day-dreams came true? Wouldn't you be surprised, lost, embarrased? Wouldn't you ask yourself: what made me so special that I achieved all this without effort? Wouldn't you feel guilty that all the success / eternal love / super adventures / super powers came at once? Wouldn't you feel pressure? How would you handle this? And do you really deserve this? What makes you a better candidate than the others, working in the…

To leave the legacy... What will remain, when we're gone? Some "chosen" ones, like Jim Morrisson or Kurt Cobain still continue to influence the lives of others, but what would happen, if they decided not to try but to kept their music to themselves? And what about me? If I'm not so talented, is this the excuse?

Five years ago I learnt to make pivot tables. I came to the guys, who are preparing reports on daily basis and asked to show me, how to make it. The guy, who showed…

What if I fall in love with that man?

Love is a triumph of imagination over rationality. You lose control. You act irrationally. You do stupid things. You compromise, when you don't need to. You don't compromise, when you have to. You might run an emotional roller-coaster a.k.a. "I hate myself for loving you" or even "I love to hate you". You might get miserable "He's a drug addict, beats me, steals…

Some time ago there was a Danish movie Adam's apples. It was about a priest, who was very happy and despite all bad things surrounding him, kept optimistic. He was radiating health, telling, how good his son was in soccer and at school and from time to time became a bit sentimental and sad, remembering his dead wifte (who had died accidentally because of choking). Then one of the characters discovers that the priest is terminally ill, his son is mentally and…

Nobody's fault but mine

I want to tell a story, which is not exactly about day-dreaming, but about signals from night dreams, absorbing reality and lack of harmony between the mind and the body. Day-dreaming is also related as the whole thing happened due to fighting it.

"Drowning in my sleep". Mind and body disconnect part

There are theories telling that our mind totally controls our bodies. If we really want something, we can do it,…

3 weeks without (excessive) day-dreaming. Irritation and fustration have gone and my mind is very peaceful. I don't believe in this buddism propaganda but Zen Garden descibes my state of mind now perfectly. Maybe, I should dig into it. What happened after 3 weeks of dreaming detox:

(1) I moved to a beautiful place near Warsaw, called Ząbki, and it's a paradise of earth. In last 2 days I had to check, if I'm in a lucid dream state or not because it was so fantastic. Well,…

Ok, I day-dreamt today for about an hour (at work!) after two and a half weeks of living in reality. But as Edison said, I didn't fail, I just found one more solution, which doesn't work. Last two and a half weeks were pretty busy as I really intended to live in reality and not to day-dream, really. So, a lot of driving (to concentrate), a lot of sports and even assigning to global walking competition with pedometer (so, physical needs are satisfied and, anyway, my summer clothes…

I was driving this Friday and heard The Great Pretender performed by Freddie Mercury, and I just enjoyed the music. Nothing actually happened, no visions, no imaginary story, nothing. And this was one of my favourite songs for day-dreaming. I guess, I'm not cured yet, but I'm on the way. I've not been day-dreaming for almost two weeks now. I wanted to write a diary of "alternate me", or "what would happen if I continued day-dreaming", but I didn't want to do it. Reality absorbed me so…

Is it possible not to make the choice? Is this true that any time we make an important (or even any) choice, we create a parallel universe, where the scenrario is like what would happen, if we made a difference choice? Is it possible to be in two places at the same time? Is this true that my dreams are the life of alternate me in parallel universe and my life is the dream of alternate me in parallel universe? Quantum physics answers "yes" to all above questions. It's hard and boring…

When on dreaming detox, you start noticing so many things, you never saw before. Your sister has been watching Queer as folk for a few months and she wants to talk it. Your mom started learning foreign language and tries to talk in it via Skype. Apricot trees didn't die because of the snow on May 3rd. Zuza changed hair color and you're the first person to notice it. She says: "That's really awful. I hate it", but she smiles. The accountant guy gives you a compliment and cannot…

So, we had to make an introduction session with another region and prepare a collage to describe our interests. I was showing the slide as below and the guys had to guess the interests. The weirdest guess was "hallucinogenic drugs and occult". The funny thing is that there is some truth in it. Dreaming and travelling is a kind of drug and music is a kind of occult. And here is goes: a quote from John Lennon's "Imagine", a quote from Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to heaven" (not about…

I guess, I'm turning into Amélie, a fictional character, who's living her dreams :) That's crazy, but I thought, that the workplace can't be a dreaming place. Yes, it can.  Just started to realize, that my co-workers and especially the lead team are half-fictional characters. Very stereotipical but anyway. We have a Gypsy queen, young Russian mafioso, older Italian mafioso (kind of a Godfather), an elegant French guy, two hot Latinos, a church choire singer, pot smoker from…

I read on this page, that one of the symptoms of day-dreaming is creating an idealized version of yourself. I thought, it didn't apply to me as I don't have an idealized version of myself. I don't have ANY version of myself. In my dreams I don't exist. There are many details, visualizations, but there is no body. Just the voice. And that's weird as thinking in terms of bodies is a natural thing. Even in religion, Jesus Christ had the body, so it was much easier to imagine him (and…

   STRATEGY: HIDE. RIGHT. 

  Both me and my friend had alcoholic dads. This is hard in your teen years. She's very down-to-earth person, and wanted to change him. I knew, I couldn't change anything. I knew, I shouldn't help my mom to cope with this. She made the choice. She could divorce him. But she didn't. Her choice. We all have free will. Or, freedom of choices, if you wish. So, my friend was learning hard, doing all home tasks, crying, begging and so on. I was somewhere between…

And it makes me wonder...

Apartment insurance. I bought fire, flood and other naturals disasters insurance for my apartment, but never had burglary insurance. I just don't need it. When I tell this, people are surprised, that I have nothing to lose. Really. C'mon, my furtinute and home appliances are so heavy, that it's not possible to steal. I don't have expensive appliances. Well, maybe, a camera and a coffee machine,…

When I think, I live in parallel universe, I wonder, what is going around in their heads.  And I think, that this world would be dull without such people.

My friend Dorota. According to her, she's a Viking princess. Nobody knows, why Dorota studied economics (she was actually good in it). Most of the time she was in Middle Ages. Dorota made / bought Medieval dress and jewelery as you have to be dressed properly for Viking…

Day-dreaming, German style. Slow, rough and methaphysical story about winning.

THE GREAT ECSTASY OF WOODCARVER STEINER

(Germany / Switzerland, 1974, by Werner Herzog)

German band Popol Vuh did a great job on a soundtrack - the score itself is enough to make you dream. It's totally lucid, psychedelic, lighter than the air, very slow and totally hypnotizing. So does the movie.

Steiner developed a flying ability,…

When I was 6, my parents were talking about a person, who won a lottery. This person could buy probably everything she wanted. And I had a dream: to win a lottery and rent a spaceship. My mom was laughing, saying that no matter, how much money you had, you would never be in space. Ironically, today we have space tourists.

Now, I have established 3 layers of dreams, all making me sad.

First layer dreams: realistic but hard to…