Tired

[Julie]

 

Nobody's fault but mine

I want to tell a story, which is not exactly about day-dreaming, but about signals from night dreams, absorbing reality and lack of harmony between the mind and the body. Day-dreaming is also related as the whole thing happened due to fighting it.

 

"Drowning in my sleep". Mind and body disconnect part

There are theories telling that our mind totally controls our bodies. If we really want something, we can do it, we can overcome our weaknesses and fatigue and be born again. I started to doubt. I don't know, if you ever experienced the state, when your mind wants to go on but your body doesn't listen. Maybe, on some banquet, saw plenty of good food and wanted to eat it all but simply couldn't as you were full. Maybe, you read a very interesting book and wanted to continue but were so tired that you fell asleep. This is what I feel now. I've been tired, very tired physically, almost in hybernation state in last 2 days. 2 days ago I though that I finally got depression, it touches many people, so why I should be an exception. But I don't. I keep interest in life, a lot of plans for future, high self-esteem and there are many things that keep me amazed (like small animals or today's science show). This is not a depression, this is fatigue.

 

"Back to reality. There comes the gravity". Reality part

So, I was tired and still am, and I'm getting afraid that this physical tiredness would lead to indifference of mind. This month was exceptional in my life. On May 1st I found about this site, realized the negative effects of day-dreaming and decided to cut it. Surprisingly, it wasn't hard. I told my day-dreaming to stop and I did it. That's it. Following the other advises, I made a thorough self-analysis, occupied myself with tasks, opened myself to reality and to people and set realistic goals to achieve. Now, I'm tired like hell but have a lot of committments (oh, a date tomorrow at 4:30 pm and need to finish the project for Monday), a pedometer, which motivates me to run / walk fast around 7-8 miles per day.  And I can't even switch myself to day-dreaming to recover. But what is exceptionally bad is that I feel awful physically.

 

"Taking the Tiger Mountain (by strategy)". Signals part

I had to slow down early this week, but I didn't recognize the signals from the body. The signal was in night dream. I was in the past and saw my driving instructor. He stood on the top of the steep mountain and I was in a car near the mountain. He said that I should drive to the top of the mountain. I knew, this was not possible and would destroy the car, but I concentrated and managed to get to the top of the mountain, although the car was half destroyed. Then he told me to drive backwards. I knew, this is not possible and would lead to certain death. He kept repeating that it was only a matter of concentration and I should overcome my fears. I said: "No, I won't do this". And he said, I became a good, cautious driver, who knew, what could lead to accidents. This was the signal that I had to slow down and don't rely on power of mind too much. But I didn't pay attention.  

 

"A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down".  Sugar intolerance part

So, I was tired on Monday already and I explained this with too fast weight loss. Because I'm running a lot and I started healthy (as I thought) diet "eat everything as before but eliminate Big Macs and chips". I thought: "Ok, I'm feeling tired because I'm losing weight too fast, so I need to eat some sweets as they are rich in calories". Nobody believes that I don't like sweets. Ok, when my parents bought sweets, I could eat a candy or two, but I never liked them and if I ate a lot of them, like half of the cake, I was vomitting (excuse my naturalism). After eating so many sweets now I felt like vomitting again but I thought: "Oh, no, no way, this is a first step to bulimia, conrol yourself". Then I started to feel really bad and even more tired... and I tried coca-cola and energy drinks (my friends praise them, so maybe I should try). I felt even worse and this is how I learnt about sugar intolerance. It's not serious in my case, I don't need regular medicine, but it will take a few days to evaporate as I loaded myself with a huge dose of sugars, becoming tired and deconcentrated for a while.

 

Now I look back and find it sweet funny. So many things to learn. Reality is not as easy and nice as I thought, but it's worth trying. And, yeah, power is nothing without control.

[Julie]

Thank you both for comments, it helps to look at you from different perspective. Indeed, there was an attempt to hide and afterwards a lot of (mainly positive) stress. And I also had a feeling of being absorbed by reality, realizing, how many things I could have done, if I haven't day-dreamt in the past. And I was trying to catch. Still attempting to catch, but planning more realistically.

I was relaxing and reviewing my schedule and diet. Added peanuts and fat fish, so now it looks more balanced. If it still doesn't work - either I continue to evaporate or start gaining weight - I'm going to dietologist. It's surprising that I started to care about these things but it's probably the time to accept, I'm a mortal, too :) During relax time I also watched the recommended Secret - Morris Goodman The Miracle Man. Oh, I still think that on the long run we can manage to control our bodies. But to control. Carefully. Not IGNORE. This was my mistake, I guess.