Where wild minds come to rest
What if I fall in love with that man?
Love is a triumph of imagination over rationality. You lose control. You act irrationally. You do stupid things. You compromise, when you don't need to. You don't compromise, when you have to. You might run an emotional roller-coaster a.k.a. "I hate myself for loving you" or even "I love to hate you". You might get miserable "He's a drug addict, beats me, steals things from home but I won't leave him... because I love him". You might get depressed a.k.a. "I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, what the hell am I doing here?". You might get very depressed a.k.a. "If I show you my weak side, will you still hold me tonight?". Anyway. This is a matter of choice. You may date and even get married without true love, without passion. Yes, you get attached but not that much to lose control. Or, maybe, I'm totally evil and egoistic.
Ok. Too long introduction. Getting to the business. The question is can you imagine yourself in love with someone so vividly that you fall in love with that person? I mean: totally random person, whom you barely know and who's not even your type. I guess, I'm a freak as this happened to me. I stopped day-dreaming but allow my mind to wander, when I'm really bored and can't do what I want. So, I thought: what if I fell in love with someone? And then, like in Summer Night Dream, I fell in love with the first man I saw. Ok, not really, I forced myself to fall in love, found positive features, merged them in a "big picture" (sorry for business language) and realized that he's not bad at all. Then there was a storyline, and I liked it. And everything happened in a few hours.
Now I feel miserable as all those negative things from the introductory paragraph are waiting for me. I feel double miserable as this was not even sincere. I feel triple miserable because I broke my real relationship because of this and I couldn't even explain why. I feel quadruple miserable as this is the first time I'm in love and I have no idea how to handle it. And I feel five times miserable as this is not a mind game, this is day-dreaming again.