Detox!

[Julie]

 

When on dreaming detox, you start noticing so many things, you never saw before. Your sister has been watching Queer as folk for a few months and she wants to talk it. Your mom started learning foreign language and tries to talk in it via Skype. Apricot trees didn't die because of the snow on May 3rd. Zuza changed hair color and you're the first person to notice it. She says: "That's really awful. I hate it", but she smiles. The accountant guy gives you a compliment and cannot stop staring at you. Your boss is upset, not angry as you thought before, just upset and nervous. You're a wonderful public speaker, you can hold attention of 50 people for 3 hours and get above average score. You didn't forget to buy food for your guinea pig, and she appreciates it (at least you hope so). Your friend is upset, she can't find a good car and she can't find a boyfriend. So banal. So amazing.

 

So, I don't dream. Well, dreaming a little bit about this and that, but not creating stories and discussions.  Detox. Leading 3 hours case study for whole company on Monday. Monday night is empty, so I'm writing. Then driving, driving, driving on Tuesday. Restaurant with a group of 10 people on Wednesday and Thursday. Hm, a date on Friday? musical? movie? Probably just sleeping as I started so many projects for this week. So, going out on Saturday.

 

I don't want my day-dreaming to disappear. This is a wonderful state, it bursts your creativity, it makes you believe that life is a magic, it makes you interesting as long as you can talk your dreams. I just want to control. I want to despise people less. I want to concentrate. That's it. But I want and I will continue day-dreaming, when waiting in a queue, when attenting a family dinner at my aunt's house, when pretending I listen to some necessery but absurd announcements and presentations at work. Day-dreaming is powerful. But, as one Pirelli commercial said, power is nothing without control.

 

This is only about control. Take drinking. If you don't have health, age or religious limitations (and you're not driving today) but you don't drink even one beer socially and you start preaching about damages alcohol can cause, something is wrong with you. You can't control yourself.

 

But to control you need to know, where the issue starts. Now I know, where my day-dreaming starts. It can be any trigger, but it develops in day-dream, when I start collecting information about it. No information - no engagement. Ok, some engagement but not yet a story. This is how it should be. A light dream to take you through boring times, not a full-fledged semi-philosophical conversation, which develops. I don't want to limit my interests, I just need to stop, when it goes on emotional level or gets the structure.

 

Like in marketing. First you get an insight, then you develop an idea, then a concept, then campaign, then advertising. I work with marketing on strategies and I know, that wrong ideas should be killed early, ideally on insight or idea stage the latest. If it developed into a concept, if it got advertising character(s), if it got the slogan, it's too late. Too many people are engaged. They know, they are wrong, it wouldn't pay out financially, but they cannot help themselves. They are attached. This is their idea. Inception style. They would lie to themselves, misinterpreting the research and over-riding forecast. Doing anything to save THEIR idea. It's not even about career development, it's not about can-do attitude, it's about emotional attachment.

 

Two days ago I heard an old Polish flower-power song "It keeps raining". And I thought: "Isn't this fun that we had flower children in communist state? What were they thinking? What were they talking about? What did they think about the Beatles?". I wouldn't know. At least now. I will check later. "For your information", as they write in business letters. When I'm less emotional about the topic, I will check this "for my information", not "for my attachment".

 

Then I learnt about Tom Lehrer. Too good to be true. If such man didn't exist, I would imagine him. Successful math professor and successful song-writer, cynical like hell, a nerd singing charming piano songs about smut, masochism and other indecent things. I would die to talk to him. But I won't die as I won't "talk" :) A very interesting topic, I will read about this later, but not now, not with such heart rate.

 

Who's next? It looks totally like Ethernal Sunshine of Spotless Mind. Fighting with my own brain.

 

 

[Tila]

Oh man, I love these posts.  Where other people on this site describe all the mental mechanisms of daydreaming that I experience, and so eloquently.

My brain and I are in a constant battle, yes. But it thanks me every time I win! :D

[Julie]

I don't know yet. I don't think, one can get complete control, just read a study that mind-wandering is beyond our control. So, yes, it's fine if it happens, like thinking when you're bored or some thinking if waking up too early. It's ok to talk to myself from time to time, Just don't want to start constructing the stories and long dialogues, then it wouldn't absorb. How to explain? I have now a few finished pictures, which I'm making from sketches, and I'm going to have a thousand of unfinished sketches. Or like I'm having now long phone calls and going to have text messages. Something like this.

Not irritated now. For sure will be irritated in a few days. I guess, it's good that I know, I'll be irritated and feel empty. My friend quitted smoking and he said that first 1-2 days you're existed, then irritated, then you can't sleep, then you fail, then try again, then fail... and it takes a few times to make it.

I got really excited with Beautiful Mind example, and the guy had a way more serious problem. His friend and the little girl didn't disappear and followed him on his way. But he stopped caring about them. Maybe, it will be like this.