Hi, All.  How is everyone doing?  I'm doing a bit better.  I'm enjoying my tube feeds at night and feeling stronger.  I've lost a bunch of weight and have been having fun enjoying dressing up.  I found some great winter clothes on sale, and every time I go out looking good, I feel so much better.  The other day, I was even photographed for a local news site.  It was very flattering.  I still look fat in the pics, but oh well.  I know I'm doing better.  Today, I went to Target and bought a…

This post, this thing I'm writing now, is the first time I've ever talked about my MD with anyone ever in my life. I'm having anxiety just typing this. 

I've had slight mental disorders my whole life. I've been treated for OCD, ADD, and panic attacks throughout childhood. My MD however, has remained untreated... and a secret. In fact it was only until recently that I even knew I had it until I started doing my own research.

My MD is triggered by Social media, books, movies, TV,…

No matter what the object is, obsessing hurts.   Your head feels like it's too full.  Even when closed, your eyes dart around, trying to focus on something.  You feel disconnected from the people around you.  Laundry feels like absolutely the most pointless activity in the existence of mankind (well, laundry usually feels like that regardless of your mental state).



And it doesn't matter if the obsession is about something ordinarily pleasant, like a daydream or story or a real-life…

Some people say that mdd isn't really addictive. I disagree. My mother refuses to acknowledge that i need to pace as much as she needs to smoke. I was at a bonfire, extrovert mode initiated, when one of my favorite pacing songs came on. I began trembling and crossed my arms, clawing on them with my nails. I felt like screaming, i naturally began walking in circles. I knew i was pacing, but i couldn't stop. My daydream was of holli being yelled at by lindsey for embarrassing her in public by…

Ok, I've been daydreaming since I was very young. However, it became serious in the sixth grade. I was bullied a lot and only had one friend. The reason I was bullied, mainly, is because I'm a lesbian. I made a journal about a different life in which I was married to a woman named Mollie (I just liked the name, I guess). Everyday I would write and write, it was all I would do. In class I'd think about her and the life I thought I would never have. I realized how odd it was one day to be…

I fell victim to kitty cuteness once again. I was held hostage in bed for over 2 hours. I went to lie down in bed for a few minutes, but then Grendel curled up sweetly behind my legs, so I stayed for a while and meant to get up. Then, over an hour ago he curled up in front of my neck and began to purr. I rested my head on his soft back, and he purred louder. I petted him, and he purred, and then he bit me, so I stopped. I kept my head on his back and nuzzled him, which …

My entire life, ive been asked the same questions. What are your interests? what do you do for fun? What are your friends like? Every single time i hear these, i panic. Depression, anxiety, MDD, family dynamics, have always kept me from being able to answer any of those questions.

The truth is...i dont know who i am. I dont have hobbies because i spend all of my time DDing, i had to drop out of school because of all my unique problems, and ive never had many friends becasue im…

      I wish you knew how my life has changed since you left. I learned how to do laundry and how to make dinner. I can be independent now.

     I wish you knew about my dad being slightly annoying and I wish you could see my new bedroom.

     You always talked about how parents aren't supposed to lose kids, but it's pretty sucky for the kid to lose the parent, too. I wish you were still here.

     I wish you were still here to see me grow up. To go to my graduation,…

The definition of maladaptive daydreaming often always highlights, the fact, that those daydreaming are aware they are daydreaming, and are aware of their external environment. Now I find that sometimes I go so deep into my dds that I am am not aware of the lost time, when I begun to lose time, or what has happened around me.  I can get up leave the living room to go to the kitchen ( a very short walk), next thing I know I'll be staring inside the fridge wondering how I got there and why I…

Hey! It is Machelle here. I need a name for a character. They are hard to name! I have six that are regulars.

Holli

Main character, the bottom of the "a" group. Also supposed to be me.

Lindsey

Holli's best friend. She is the top of the "a" group. She stands up for holli a bit too much. She gets in lots of fights with rachel.

Percy

The middle of the "a" group, he is often picked on by jack, likes jokes. He starts most of the fights, the others know…

Twas a terrible night.

So I've been working on my book for almost a year now, which means I've essentially locked myself up in a room. My MDD is not a problem from me anymore, it gets used up in creating the work, but I can't really say that all of it is positive.

Unable or unwilling to writing for some days, I either look up inane stuff on internet on my phone or I just keep thinking about the conversations I heard during week, and then some related MDD, but almost…

My brain does this thing where it likes to take my life's goodness and connect it via an intricate mental spiderweb to sin, evil, and damnation.  At least, that's the way I view it some of the time.  The rest of the time, I view it as my brain Discovering The Truth saving me from possible destruction.  Either way, it's a hard way to live.  The world has a tendency to grow smaller when your brain's favorite hobby is "Find the Contaminating Evil in Life!" 



It seems to get worse when…

Hi, Everyone.

I know I've been MIA for a while, but I'm trying to get back on more because I really do care about all of you and this site.  I've had some health issues that have left me no good for anything but whining and posting sarcastic comments on Facebook, not exactly helpful for here.

Here are the blah-blah details you can skip over about where I've been.

I've had GERD for many  years.  Meds did little to help, and diet did nothing.  I had…

I found this page a month ago, And it seems everybody on this page hates having MDD.

But I enjoy being able to make up stories in my head, and being able to attach myself to the characters that I make up.

Not many people have the ability to do this, and I see it more as a unique gift than a curse.

Does anybody else feel this way? other than me?

And for the ones who struggle so much with MDD, why is it so difficult for you? Why don't you like…

So I haven’t been on here for a while, no one probably noticed, but here’s a bit of an explanation for those of you who do care. Just over a year ago I accepted a teaching job on the other side of Canada. It’s in the north and in an isolated community. I am a 4-5 hr drive to a grocery store that is bigger than my classroom and I don’t have to spend a fortune on milk. Two hours of that drive is on gravel roads. Two weeks into teaching a student brought me a cat at school because her mother…