Completely Uncontrollable Daydreaming

[TigerTail]

This post, this thing I'm writing now, is the first time I've ever talked about my MD with anyone ever in my life. I'm having anxiety just typing this. 

I've had slight mental disorders my whole life. I've been treated for OCD, ADD, and panic attacks throughout childhood. My MD however, has remained untreated... and a secret. In fact it was only until recently that I even knew I had it until I started doing my own research.

My MD is triggered by Social media, books, movies, TV, games, and even major life events. Usually I pace/run back and forth across my bedroom while listening to music that corresponds with the mood of my daydream. I can do this for hours nonstop, and have even done it for entire days. If I am kept from pacing and daydreaming for long periods of time I become very restless and do whatever I can to get away for a while to walk around somewhere and think of my fantasies. 

My fantasies are usually about characters from my favorite books, movies, and TV shows. Sometimes they are about fancharacters that I create to go on adventures with the actual story characters. Occasionally I will make up my own story with my own characters. I have a theory that all of these characters represent different idealized versions of myself and people close to me, but i'm not sure.

I have an endless amount of triggers. I daydream pretty much anytime I see something interesting on TV that would be a cool "event" for my fantasy. But I also do this any time a big life event is interesting enough. Whenever I'm stressed from anything I daydream to feel better. Even when I'm just bored or alone I daydream for the mental simulation.

MD has caused me a lot of indirect hardship. I daydream so much that I usually wait til the last second to do anything. I feel like I've missed out on so much. My grades have always suffered from daydreaming all day in classes when I was in school. I feel like I've made less friends because I'm just to caught up in my dream friends to try to make real ones. I sometimes think of all the time I've wasted...Coming home from school and work and just locking myself away for hours. How many memories and experiences did I miss out on? I'll never get all that time back. It makes me feel like I've had half a childhood because I've lived in a fog my whole life. Only now am I starting to clear it away,but only enough to realize the world around me, not actually be part of it.

I'm an adult now. I'm 22 and living in a dorm at my university. I have friends here and go out occasionally, but whenever I'm alone I spend the whole time either daydreaming or gathering information about my favorite fandom to help construct my fantasy. It's difficult to stop because I am no longer interrupted by family, and therefore competently dependent on myself to stop daydreaming when its needed.

Needless to say, trying to handle my MD myself hasn't been going so well. Last semester was my first time living alone and I failed 3 out of four classes. My parents nearly pulled me out of college but I convinced them it was "Transfer shock" I begged for one more chance. This semester I've done better, but only a little. I failed one of my midterms because I had a really bad episode and spent nearly all weekend dreaming instead of studying. I can't let this happen again! This disorder is starting to severely affect my future and I don't know what to do!

The reason I haven't talked to anyone about this is because my family went through a lot with my other issues. I'm pretty smart (I'm going for a very difficult science degree), but nobody thought I would ever get into a university because of my attention problems. I feel like I've come so far, and I know If I can graduate college and get a good job my parents will finally be as proud of me as they are of my sisters. I know they would probably be supportive if I told them all of this, but I don't want to risk their opinion of me when it's finally changing for the better.

My school also has free counseling, but I can't see myself going to it. I'm to ashamed to ever talk about this to anyone in real life, nor do I think therapist would understand this issue. It took everything I had just write this. Although I hate taking medication I feel its my best option. Does anyone know of anything over the counter that could help? You can list prescriptions, but I'm not sure how to get those without talking to a doctor.

Please let me know if there is ANYTHING that has helped your MD. I'm willing to try whatever it takes at this point. I have everything to lose, and I will lose it all unless I can change. 

Thank you for reading. 

[Snapplez]

I am also a college student. I also started out with a difficult science degree. I also consider myself above average smart. I also failed classes. I was also nearly pulled out of college by my parents. I also struggle with MDD. I am also an adult. I am also in my early twenties. 

I am also looking for help through medication. I have gone to my university's counseling center. I have gone to my university's psychiatric office. The therapist told me to see the psychiatrist and take anti-psychotic medication, the psychiatrist told me to go back to the counselor and receive therapy. Both off them laid me off. 

After a year of failed attempts to "cut away triggers and resist urges" I went back to the therapist. She told me to take a neuropsychological test. I went back to the psychiatrist. He told me to get tested for ADD. Both cost more than $200. 

So in conclusion, there is someone else in this world who suffers like me, in the exact same way, in the exact same position for the exact same reasons. I have already gone to seek help, and received none. There is no cure, no medication, no possible causation, no root of the problem, no disorder, no explanation, nothing unusual, nothing extraordinary about MDD. Doctors and clinical psychologists see it as normal. Then I guess it really is normal. 

And that's the problem. It's not normal, but only we know that. The problem begins in us and ends with us. Only we can stop MDD because we started MDD. The only question left to ask is "how."  

[cltreader]

Hi! I didn't want to just read this and then move on.  My heart goes out to you. I have also asked the question "How many memories and experiences did I miss out on?"  That struck such a chord with me.

For me, I have opened up to my therapist. She had never heard of MD before but has helped people with other sorts of addiction. Yes, I am having to "teach" her about what MD is, but it actually has helped me somewhat. I like to think that my educating someone else (especially a professional) will lead her to help someone who she might encounter with MD. If you trust your therapist, I do recommend this. Print out the information from here and take it with you. It can help you explain what is going on and how others out there deal with this on a daily basis.

I don't know of any over the counter medication.  I am trying Welbutrin, but it does require a prescription from a doctor.  I haven't been taking it very long and it a slow-acting medicine. My doctor said it could take weeks to truly take effect.

The best advice I have is to be active. Keep going out with your friends. That can be the best medicine of all. Get involved in a hobby, maybe something you always wanted to try. For me, I do creative writing. I find that when I am "in the zone" with my writing, the daydreaming stops. If there is something out there that really catches your eye, get involved in it. You might be able to find "the zone" where you can get away from your fantasies,

I wish you all the best.

[Aquarius]

There are some things you can try.

Kill your comfort zone for starters: that means leave the door open more often, use earplugs to study. Change your routine often.

The more you are in the public eye, the less likely that you will MD, use the library. Quit music altogether. Remove the FB, instagram app from your smartphone. Exercise before sleeping so that when you hit the bed you fall asleep immediately.

But your mind will still MDD. Here's why- because some subjects that you are studying are going to be out right BORING. It's true. The sooner you realize this, you won't beat yourself so much.

[MatthewR]

The same thing happened to me in college, only i dropped out after my second year. My daydreaming was out of control then. I had trouble concentrating even in class and would pace for hours when i got home. Being alone actually makes things worse. In retrospect I don't think it was the daydreaming exactly, I really think my issue is with anxiety. It's something I've noticed from a young age. I've always been this way, and I've sought treatment many times but with very little success. I think this might just be a personality thing. I have all the characteristics of an Avoidant Personality type, which includes a tendency to use fantasy as a means of escape. I'm not really sure there is a cure for any of this. I think maybe the best we can do is learn to cope with it. Seeing a counselor might not be a bad idea, though. You never know, it might be worth it. Good luck!

[Hünd]

Best advice is to get rid of the triggers and try your best to resist the urges. Sorry man thats all I got.