Where wild minds come to rest
Twas a terrible night.
So I've been working on my book for almost a year now, which means I've essentially locked myself up in a room. My MDD is not a problem from me anymore, it gets used up in creating the work, but I can't really say that all of it is positive.
Unable or unwilling to writing for some days, I either look up inane stuff on internet on my phone or I just keep thinking about the conversations I heard during week, and then some related MDD, but almost always going back to my characters.
Yesterday I lay in bed for close to 7 hours, with my mind just obsessing over one ridiculous statement my mother said.( Don't worry it was just a harmless household detail not directed at me or anyone; my mum is one of those harmless housewives who just want to feed their kids even when there are 36 years old.)
So back to the night. Just awful.
You know how we all have the repetitive behavior tics? Pacing endlessly or blurting out incomprehensible phrases ( I recall reading about Cordelia's I Love Cats), so all that had stopped for me. I tried pacing, it didn't last 3 seconds.
So now my latest MDD tic is .... having phrases some one said stuck in my mind. I think it's worse than all the others because I couldn't get my self to daydream. I tried reading, but soon enough that phrase was back.
Terrible because I couldn't use the one coping mechanism I have- MDD. Anyway music came to the rescue, it calmed me down. All my MDD life music has been a terrible trigger, but I'm not sure it is anymore.