Wild Minds Network

Where wild minds come to rest

Since finding this site, i have taken brief breaks from my DD to consider what is causing it. Here is what I think:
1. Self rejection: I day dream because I feel that all the important people in my life reject me as I really am and instead of coping with it, I just accept their assessment of me and reject myself. It is painful enough to have others reject me, but then rejecting self, yikes.
2. Feeling alone: Life is hard and I think I could have the skills to live differently and make some of my day dreams a reality but every time I think that is the route I want to take I give up because I am fighting with reality all by myself. Feeling alone is more than I can handle.
3. Safe: DD is just plain safe.
4. Comfort: No one has every been interested in my feelings, but in my day dream world, my feelings matter. In the old days when my DD was helpful and not hurting my life, I would use the day dream to find out what I was feeling and what I really want so that I could integrate that information into my real life. Now the revelation of what I am really feeling doesn't prompt me to expose myself to anyone it makes me want to hide it deeper.

Cure: I know what the cure is. Acceptance. A wise woman once said, "Acceptance is the key to peace" Elizabeth Elliot. I have carried that truth around for decades wondering how to take that leap of faith on myself and just accept life, others and myself as is. I have had brief moments of acceptance and can say, the statement is true. It's a choice. And when I am in pain the DD seems like less hassle than the work of acceptance.
My head hurts from thinking too much!

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Comment by Ana on September 25, 2014 at 11:07am

you are SO right!

Comment by Wendy Rose on September 16, 2014 at 7:19pm
the most stressful family event i had to attend years ago prompted so much stress that i went to a counselor and the counselor said, "it sounds like you are looking for someone to give you permission not to attend." and she said, "i give you permission" it was so great. i mean of course i didn't need her permission, and just her saying it showed me that i could make that choice myself. it was awesome...
Comment by cltreader on September 16, 2014 at 6:12pm

I completely understand what you mean when you said that DD seems like less hassle than the work of acceptance.  I have said that to myself several times this week. My DD right now is as off-the-charts as it as ever been.  I have a family event to attend next week and I really do not want to go. I am pretty sure the stress of it is driving this. At this moment in time, the idea of accepting is just too hard to consider.

Comment by femme fatale on September 15, 2014 at 9:46am

you sound like u've been through a lot, even i've built a cocoon around myself. the more i try to get out, the deeper i slip

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