I wish you knew... (Really Quick Journal Entry about my mom from my Creative Writing class)

[Rachel]

      I wish you knew how my life has changed since you left. I learned how to do laundry and how to make dinner. I can be independent now.

     I wish you knew about my dad being slightly annoying and I wish you could see my new bedroom.

     You always talked about how parents aren't supposed to lose kids, but it's pretty sucky for the kid to lose the parent, too. I wish you were still here.

     I wish you were still here to see me grow up. To go to my graduation, wedding, and my future children's birthdays. 

     Unfortunately, the world doesn't always work like that and I must live on without you. I have to learn new things that I didn't when you were still around, and I have to be a big sister to Kaitlyn.

     Mom, it saddens me that no one else will ever know you and your humor, and it saddens me that, though I still don't see it, people will no longer see us together and comment on how alike we look. 

     I wish I could learn more skills from you, but I'll apply the ones I had time to learn from you.

     Speaking of time, I'm sorry ours was cut so short. Fifteen years feels like a cruelly short amount of time for a mom and daughter to have each other, but that's because it is. It shocks me that it's been two months now since you left me, because as a daughter, it inevitably shocked me that my mother was capable of dying. Logically, of course, I always knew you could and would eventually die, but love says otherwise.

     You should have gotten more time to live, though you had a decent amount. I still wish you got the chance to go to Worlds of Fun with me and to Mall of America like you wanted to. After working virtually your entire life, I wish you had time to retire early like you wanted to and relax. 

     I wish so many things turned out differently, but I have to accept how it really happened. 

[4everlost23]

You are very welcome Rachael :)

[Rachel]

Thanks so much, Everlost. <3

[4everlost23]

@Rachel...I am so sorry that you have lost your mother. Parents are one of life's most precious gifts, they are non-replaceable. There are not enough words to describe how sorry I am for you and your family. If it means anything at all, let me say that your strength is amazing. Most who are older than you can not muster the strength that you are showing. Though it may anger you and I know you are probably sick of hearing it, but as time passes it will become more bearable. The pain will always be there, but its intensity will decrease with time. Until that happens you should allow yourself to go through all the stages of grieving, do not fight it this has to happen. As the hours, days, and months pass you will go through a range of emotions and stages...this must happen in order for you to reach that point...that point that we all reach in time, that allows us to go on without the ones we have lost. Again my deepest condolences.