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I Can't Believe She's Been Dead for a Month

My mom died exactly one month ago from today, and it's really blowing my mind. 

I can't believe that just over a month ago, I was living in a different universe. My mom woke me up for school every day, made me all my meals, got me everything I needed and wanted, did my laundry, decided things for me, ruled my life. She was my main parent. I was never close to my dad, though he is and was in my life.

Since she got sick and died (she was only sick for a week before dying), I've had to rise to the occasion of living without my main parent. I've had to make some of my own meals and do my own laundry and take care of myself. I'm fifteen and can't drive myself anywhere, so I'm having to be more dependent than I will be once I get my license. I'm proud of myself for learning how to take care of myself, yet I desperately miss being taken care of and never having to worry about doing laundry, fixing meals, running out of things, or waking myself up. 

Instead of living with my dad, I have moved in with my mom's best friend of 25 years, Brooklyne, and her family. Brooklyne and her entire family has been incredible about welcoming me to the family. Brooklyne often introduces me as her "new" or "second daughter," and her nine year old daughter, Kaitlyn, ALWAYS refers to me as her sister. It's nice.

My life is  changing  hardcore, everything as small to my pay and as big to my family and house is changing. I never thought that I'd be in this situation, but no one ever does. This is so ingrained into my life now. I lost my mom at fifteen and had to change families.  I lost my mom at fifteen and had to change families. I lost my mom at fifteen and had to change families. That sentence is really wow.

She died at 9:50pm on July 31st, 2014. And you know what? My grandma died at 9:53pm on July 21st of 2013. They died a year and ten days apart. And you know what? A good friend of mine, Ryker, died on May 21st of 2014, just a few months ago. 

OH -- and my mom used to always tell me something. She said that once she's gone, there'll come a time when I desperately need to talk to her and she's going to appear and be all like, "Let's talk!"

Well, I don't believe in consciousness in death, but my mom did. Or, she wanted to believe it. She believed in heaven but not hell, which to me makes it clear that it wasn't so much that she believed it as she wanted it to be true. 

I don't know why I'm talking about this. I'm just going to spew out some random facts about her.

Her favorite color was emerald green.

Her eyes were green.

She got a monroe piercing when she was in her early 50's (without telling anyone she was going to -- she just came home from work with a random piercing above her lip).

She got married when she was 17 in the 70's and dropped out of school.

She had her first kid when she was 18.

She had her second kid (me) when she was 40.

She lived in Texas, Missouri, and Kansas at different points in time.

When she died, she wanted to go to Mall of America in Minnesota.

She was a crazy cat lady all of her life, once having ten cats at one time (that was the most she ever had at one time).

She wanted to retire early.

She always felt like she had a story in her, and, if given  enough time, could produce a book.

She worked all of her life from age 16 to death.

She was born and raised in Galveston, Texas.

The first car she totalled was red in color, and because of that, she was very strict that I was never allowed to get a red car. XD

When she took her driving test for the first time, the driving instructor had just told her she had passed when she ran over a curb. "You  already said I passed!" she said, and the driving instructor warned her to watch the curbs. Spoiler alert: She never stopped running over the curbs, ever.

She loved the idea of country,  simple life, though she lived suburban most of her life.

She used to say that when she retired, she wanted to buy an RV with my dad and travel the US, though it was mostly a joke.

As a teenager, she drove right into a store once and the damage  can still be seen. She said after she did it that, "I'll have to die before people will stop giving me grief for this." Nope. The story was shared at her funeral.

Her favorite past time (at the point of her life when she died) was to play with her cats or watch Netflix on her tablet while laying in bed.

She was very funny and sarcastic. One phrase I remember hearing a lot was, "YOU GOT A HOT MAMA!" Also, sometimes whenever she drove through fastfood, she'd make a weird, high-pitched voice whenever she was ordering the food.

And I think that's it, because I have to begin my busy day.  Of course there's way more about my mom. Maybe if I think of something else, I'll  add it in the comments. But here's a little peak of who my mom was. She was an incredible mother and person and I'm sad that no one will ever be able to meet her and experience how amazing she was again. 

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Comment by greyartist on October 2, 2014 at 5:23am

I'm sorry that you lost your mom, but it sounds like you have some great memories. Hold on to them and learn from them. Stay strong.

Comment by Hünd on September 1, 2014 at 1:28am

The death of a loved one is always hard. Life is a strange mystery that we do not understand. Things happen and we keep pushing on. You are strong Rachel. So was your mother. If you ever need someone to talk to message me. Life changes can be tough. You seem to being doing well thus far. :)

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